


Bunker Brothers

by dreams_of_destiel (fOreverer)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Anxiety, Daddy Issues, Dubious Consent, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Nesting Dean, Pretty Dean, Protective Dean Winchester, Sub Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:35:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1926804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fOreverer/pseuds/dreams_of_destiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in the Supernatural Universe. Dean and Sam escape an abusive John Winchester and begin a new life with a gang of hunters Bobby has assembled at the Men of Letters bunker, where everybody trains and lives. Enter Castiel, the disgraced angel, who helps Dean adjust to his new life and to get over his daddy issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

**Author's Note:**

> This was a long introduction, considering Castiel hasn't even appeared yet, but I wanted to establish the situation. I really like the idea of the bunker being a place where all the hunters, of the Supernatural Universe, can come together to learn and train, almost like a Hunter Academy.

The ice-pack had lost almost all effect, Dean had been holding it so long, yet his face was still stinging, as painfully as it had been two hours previously, when Bobby had handed the pack back to him, from the driver’s seat of the Impala. His right eye had swollen to the point that he couldn’t see out of it, but Dean could sense Sam’s eyes on him, monitoring his every movement. He had insisted on sitting in the back with Dean, leaving the passenger seat empty beside Bobby. The Impala was bouncing on the uneven surface of the rural Kansas lanes, doing him no favours. Bobby was doing his best to keep Dean comfortable and Dean was trying to keep them from worrying. He, really, had had much worse, not that he’d like them to know that. Despite his every efforts, Dean heard himself groan, the pain in his ribs worsening momentarily with the motion. Sam rounded on him at once.

“What can I do, Dean, is there anything...” He broke off, rubbing a hand across his forehead, as if to ease a headache. Dean supposed he probably did have a headache, the shouting had been pretty loud back there.

“I’m fine, Sammy.” Dean could hear the fatigue in his voice-he had thought he would sound exasperated, instead he sounded as weak and pathetic as he suspected Bobby and Sam now believed him to be.

“Fine” Sam’s voice had risen much louder. Dean turned, with difficulty, to face Sam and immediately wished he hadn’t. Upon seeing his brother’s bruised and bloodied face a look came over Sam that Dean had never wanted to see there. Pity. Sam’s tone was almost gentle as he continued.

“Dean, nothing about this is fine, Dad should never have done this to you. It doesn’t matter that the djinn got away, how could he...” Sam trailed off as Dean turned away again, feigning sudden interest in the passing scenery. It was too dark to really see anything, Dean knew that, but he had to hide the tears that had appeared in his eyes at the mention of their father.

Dean hated the man. Always had and always would. But he never left, for fear of what would become of Sam in his absence. Sam had been discussing the idea of going to college recently and though he never admitted it, the idea had instilled a terror in him that he wouldn’t have imagined he even had the capacity to feel. He would have never stopped Sam from leaving, he would never have gotten in the way of his dreams. But a life with John, without his brother, was unimaginable to Dean.

Something in Sam’s tone, as well as his phrasing “ _It doesn’t matter that the djinn got away”_ suddenly made it clear to Dean how very innocent Sam was as to the true nature of the situation. Silently he thanked his lucky stars that he had managed to protect his brother so well for so long.

“I was careless Sam” Dean spoke slowly, keeping his voice level, his tone steady. “There was always going to be trouble, Dad just went a bit too far.” Yeah that was for damn sure. Dean wondered had it been his cries that had alerted Sam and Bobby to the situation, or if they had stumbled upon it by chance. Dean tried a lazy smile, knowing his attempts at nonchalance would probably fall flat, but still hoping, that he could calm the impending storm that before it hit.

“A bit too far, dude you look like a raw steak. Except for that black eye, which will probably take over a week to fade, by the way. That’s not to mention you’ve probably gotten several cracked ribs, and even more cuts and bruises that I can’t see right now.”

“Come on Sam, we’ve all had worse injuries than this. Remember the time you broke your leg, when that vamp-”

“But not like _this_ , Dean.”

It was the first time Bobby had spoken in over an hour, after he had been sure Dean wasn’t going to pass out on him again. Now, Dean could hear in the hunter’s voice what he hadn’t been able to read on his face. Bobby was furious.

“If I ever get my hands on John Winchester again I’ll kill him myself” Bobby snarled. The car roared, seemingly in agreement with him.

“Ah come on Bobby, I don’t think any of us could take on Dad” Dean kept his tone light, trying to ease the tension but from the way Bobby wheeled around in his seat, he could tell he was having none of it.

“Any one of us could take the old coward” Bobby hissed, “Especially if we actually fought back!”

Bobby’s words hit Dean like a slap to the face. He felt himself recoil slightly, the memory of the incident rankling far too freshly in his mind.

“Why wouldn’t you fight him boy” Bobby’s voice cracked as he spoke and for a moment Dean just wanted to give in, to let Bobby take care of him the way he would his own son. The way his own father should have. But a part of him wondered if, truly, he deserved everything John had given him.

“Wait, you weren’t fighting back?” Sam’s confusion was evident, Dean could almost see the expression on his face, could imagine the lowered eyebrows and his slack jaw. Sam hadn’t seen Dean, back at the house, until Bobby had John cornered with a shotgun. “Why wouldn’t you fight back, what were you doing?”

“Bobby” Dean’s voice was pleading

“Bobby what, you trying to tell me it was right what he did?”

“Dean just didn’t want to hurt him I suppose” Sam interjected, “Not when Dad had lost control like that.”

“Lost control, is that what you, do you not...?” Bobby faltered. His eyes caught Dean’s, in the rearview mirror, but Dean found he could not hold his gaze. He looked down at his knees and prayed Bobby wouldn’t let slip something he couldn’t take back.

“Do you think this is the first time this has happened Sam?”

There it was.

Dean closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Just for a second he could pretend this wasn’t happening, that Sam’s entire childhood wasn’t about to come crashing around his ears.

“No.” Sam’s tone was flat. “No, Bobby you can’t mean...you’re not telling me, please tell me you don’t mean...”

Sam stopped abruptly. A muffled sound let Dean know that Sam’s head was in his hands.

“Dean. Has Dad done this before?”

Dean wrenched his head up, every muscle in his body screaming in protest, but that didn’t matter anymore. Everything he’d worked so hard to keep from Sam, his whole life was now out in the open. He looked at his brother, took in his wide eyes and tousled hair-he’d started to grow it out. Unsure, he was looking, as he always did in times of distress, to his big brother, for help.

“How did you know, Bobby?”

“Oh my god” Sam slumped down in his seat, covering his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“I never knew Dean, if I did do you think I would have let you boys live in that house? I just suspected, now and again, over the years, that something wasn’t right. And today, the way I saw you hadn’t even lifted a finger to stop him, well” Bobby shook his head, his mouth a drawn in a tight line, “It was then I knew that this was something so deeply ingrained in you that you didn’t even believe you had the right to stop it.”

It was true, Dean had never fought back against John. By the time Bobby burst through the door, early that afternoon, with Sam at his side, Dean was on his hands and knees, with John throwing punch after punch at him, just waiting for it to be over. He hadn’t even been able to feel relief as Sam pulled him to his feet, supporting him with his shoulder, he was so terrified, that this secret was out in the open. At that stage blood was trickling from several cuts on his face, the pain so intense, he could barely concentrate on anything else.

 _“Bobby this isn’t your business”_ John had been calm, almost business-like about the affair.

 _“The hell it isn’t!”_ Bobby had positively roared at him, Bobby, whom Dean had always thought of as his dad’s best friend.

 _“I’m taking the boys with me John, do not try to follow us.”_ Bobby’s nostrils were flaring as he spoke, the shot gun still directed at John’s chest. _“If you ever lay a hand on the boy again, I will ensure, personally, that it is the last thing you ever do.”_ With that Bobby had turned and taken Dean’s other arm over his shoulder. The last thing Dean saw was his Dad, staring at him with such vehemence, Dean knew he felt no regret for what he’d done. He’d passed out as Sam and Bobby helped him from the house, and they had been forced to carry him the remainder of the distance to the car. Dean was glad they’d had the sense to take the car, it was one thing of his Dad’s he would have hated to have lost.

“Wait a second, over the years? Years? How long Dean”

“How long what Sammy”

“How long has this been...how long has he been doing this do you?”

At that Dean actually let out a laugh, he could see confusion on Sam’s face as he did so. But, fuck, it was pretty funny the way Sam was so out of the loop.

“Sammy, I _cannot_ remember a time when Dad wasn’t using me as a punching-bag”

In one of Dean’s earliest memory John had slapped him so hard across the face he had drawn blood. Dean’s body flew a clear four feet across the room, a foot for every year of his age. It was shortly after their Mom had died in the fire and Dean hadn’t really understood what had happened. He had made the mistake of asking if _Mommy is ever going to come home again_ and had gotten a beating for his trouble.

“Do not talk about her” John had spat as he left the room, leaving Dean on the floor, too shocked even to cry. It was shortly after that he had stopped talking altogether. If he remembered correctly, it was only at Bobby’s encouragement that he started talking again, several months later.

“Why didn’t you tell me” Sam sounded more hurt than angry and Dean had to wonder at the unfairness of the situation, that he had suffered in silence for so long, to protect Sam and now it seemed that, not only was it in vain, but that Sam didn’t even appreciate his efforts.

“Why do you think, Sam? Because I was afraid you would try to get Dad to stop and that if you did” Dean had to steady himself, before he continued, “He would start on you too.”

“Dean, can you”

“Sam, leave it. Both of you leave it. Please can we just wait till we get to the bunker to talk? Right now I just really want to go to sleep”

Vaguely, Dean was aware of Sam mumbling his assent, as he leaned his forehead against the window, letting the cool glass soothe his pounding head. He just wanted to forget the past few hours had ever happened, but he knew Sam and Bobby would not let this go easily. The only bright spot, on a pretty miserable day, was that he had finally gotten himself and Sam away from their Dad.

_Whatever happens, it’ll be ok as long as we’re together._

This was Dean’s last thought, an image of the new life he and Sam could lead at the bunker. However, he couldn’t help the tears that streaked his ruined cheeks, before, mercifully, sleep overtook him and he knew no more pain.


	2. Is that an Angel hiding under that Trench Coat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean arrive at the bunker. Enter Castiel.

“You’re useless, you know that, boy?”

Dean saw, rather than felt, the fist collide with his face. John was so standing so close to him, Dean could smell the alcohol on his breath. That was nothing new, alcohol was a staple to all of their diets. John tended to get mean, however, if he’d been drinking heavily. The things he said often  hurt Dean more than any physical attack could.

“Good for nothing, look at you- can’t do anything right.”

Dean kept his head down, he knew better than to meet John’s eyes. He would see it as a challenge, and the things he did when Dean gave him that motivation, well, Dean had learned the hard way that it was best to just take anything John gave him.

“Why so quiet, it’s not like you, you little brat? Don’t want to wake Sammy I suppose...”

Dean couldn’t help himself, his head snapped up. John was positively grinning, he knew just how to rile up his oldest son.

“Maybe I’ll go see if he’s awake” John actually took a step in the direction of the door. Despite himself Dean cried out.

“No don’t!”

That was all it took, he had participated in the game. John turned slowly, all traces of smiles gone now.

“You trying to tell me what to do, son?” his voice was low, a tone Dean recognized as dangerous. “I thought I’d taught you your place in this family?”

“Dad please” fuck it, he’d already broken his silence, there was going back now. “Please I’m sorry.”

“Oh you will be alright, you’ll see. I just hope you don’t wake your brother up”

Dean gripped his eyes shut, the image of John removing his belt, as he stepped towards him, enough to tell him that he was in for a long night.

 

“Dean? Dean!”

Dean woke with a start, he was in the backseat of the Impala. Sam was crouching by his side, his hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“We’re here Dean, we’re at the bunker.”

Ah, the promised land. If this place even lived up to half of what Bobby had said, he and Sam were in for the time of their lives. Dean looked at Sam, taking in his brother’s weariness. At just 18 years old, Sam had already seen far too much of the horrors that lived in the shadows. But now, in the early morning light, Dean also read something else on his brother’s face. There was a twinkle in Sam’s eyes that Dean hadn’t seen in many years, it was something he had sought to protect, in his brother, while they were growing up, something he had despaired to realise had vanished some years before. Now it was back and Dean couldn’t help but smile. Sam was excited, Dean realised, the prospect of meeting other hunters, more people like them, not something either of them was overly accustomed to. Dean shifted towards the door, grimacing with the effort. He felt as if his entire body was bruised, it probably wasn’t too far from the truth. Immediately, Sam’s face hardened.

“Dean, are you ok? You were, sorta, groaning in your sleep there, before I woke you. I think you were having a nightmare. Were you remembering, was it Dad-“

“Stop right there Sammy” Dean held up a hand “Let’s not go there”

“Not go there, Dean we are going to talk about this”

Dean sighed, whenever they did talk about this, it would be excruciating.

“I know Sam, I know. But can we not right now, I’m still feeling pretty beat up”

“Yeah sure.” Now Sam looked guilty, he felt he was causing Dean even more pain. But Dean couldn’t, he wouldn’t talk about this right now, it was still so raw in his mind.

“Listen man can you walk? Bobby’s gone inside, he had to bring in the bags, and I don’t think I can carry you myself.”

“No, you couldn’t. You ‘re strong, but you ain’t that strong kiddo”

It had taken awhile but, around his 16th birthday, Sam had started to shoot up, eclipsing Dean’s height by several inches. He’d begun to fill out too. The short, lanky kid that Dean had known all his life was gone. His brother was a grown man now. He looked like a hunter. Dean stilled found it strange, that he now looked up to his little brother, the boy he’d been looking out for his whole life.

“Ok, so can you try-no you can’t.” Dean had made to stand, but with his very bones aching, he found he had to remain seated, slouching back against the warm leather.

“So I’ll go find someone who can help me get you inside”

“No Sam, wait, just get Bobby, ok? I don’t want all these new hunters to think I’m some sissy”

Sam turned back to him. The look on his face made Dean wish he hadn’t said anything.

“Dean, no-one thinks that.”

 With that, Sam was gone, leaving Dean to assess his injuries. The most troubling pain was his in his chest: he definitely had cracked a few ribs. Well he hadn’t cracked them, actually. Dean was still surprised by the whole incident. His Dad was rarely so foolish as to have a go at him when even Sam was around, yet he had done this with the knowledge that Bobby was on his way, to help with the case. He hadn’t gotten a good look at himself since that morning, but he knew his face had to be in bad shape. At least he was guaranteed that no-one at the bunker’s first impression of him would be of a “pretty boy” trying to be a hunter. He’d heard that so many times it made him sick. The satisfaction of chopping the head off of a vampire, that had just told him where he could put his pretty mouth, was something special. Dean closed his eyes and sighed, letting a sudden breeze cool his face.

“Dean”

Dean slammed his head against the frame of the car, in his surprise at the sudden sound. The voice was low and gravelly, it sounded to the left of his head, right at his ear. It was not one he recognized either. He turned his head so quickly his neck snapped, only to jerk back just as fast. A face was inches from his own, peering at him through the brightening morning air. It happened so fast Dean could do no more than recognize the presence of this person. Pressed flat against the seat, in the relative safety of his car, he could actually look at the man who had appeared out of nowhere.

His eyes were an unearthly blue, it was transfixing. For a moment all Dean could do was stare at the man, who seemed just as happy to stare right back at him. Dean had never seen anyone with eyes like these, they seemed to look right through him, to see past his face, into his soul. As soon as Dean was able to tear his eyes away, he quickly took in the rest of the man’s appearance.

The man was relatively pale, Dean could see him very clearly despite the early hour of the morning. His hair was dark, in striking contrast, and tousled as if the man had just gotten out of bed.

_Or as if he’d just had sex._ Dean couldn’t help it, his mind went there. The dude was gorgeous. He was dressed in a brown, loose hanging trench coat, that made it hard for Dean to see the rest of his body, but he looked strong, if a bit on the slight side. _A runner maybe?_ Dean found himself speculating. He brought his eyes back to the man’s face. He hadn’t moved or said a word since he’d spoken Dean’s name. Gorgeous or not, the guy had scared the shit out of him. Dean found himself wishing he had a gun, or even a knife with him.

“Who are you?”

“Castiel” The man spoke stiffly, it was mildly disconcerting.

“How do you know my name?”

“Your brother mentioned you needed assistance in getting from your car, so I came out to help”

The man, _Castiel_ , Dean reminded himself, stood and Dean saw that, though tall, the man was shorter than him and definitely leaner. Dean glanced around him, Sam was not in sight.

“Well no offense, dude, but I think you’re going to need some help yourself.” Dean kept his tone joking, surely this _Castiel_ was joking. But it appeared that this was not the case.

“I think I’ll manage Dean.” He extended his arm and Dean grasped it. With his other hand, he proceeded to catch Dean under the elbow- Dean found himself on his feet almost without knowing how he got there.

“Here” Castiel lifted Dean’s arm and pulled it over his shoulder, the other hand, he wrapped around Dean’s waist. Absurdly, despite all the pain he was in, Dean felt himself redden, the sudden closeness catching him off-guard. He hadn’t allowed himself to get this up-close and personal with a guy this attractive  since that time when his Dad-

_Don’t._

“Lean on me” Castiel’s tone was definite, he was determined that he could manage this task.

“Will you be able to walk, man” Dean didn’t see how the guy would manage, he was taking almost all of Dean’s weight onto him.

“I’ll manage just fine” Sure enough Castiel started to walk, in the same direction Sam had departed earlier. How long ago was that, five minutes maybe? How had this guy gotten out to him so fast.

“You really scared the hell out of me back there man” Dean had to break the silence that had grown between them, the dude seemed strangely comfortable to just walk in complete silence. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean glanced at the man’s face. He didn’t even seem to be struggling.

“My apologies.” That was all he said. Dean sighed and continued.

“You just seemed to pop up out of nowhere.”

Castiel didn’t deign to reply, but Dean wasn’t going to let him get off that easily.

“So I take it you’re a hunter, or something. You living here?”

“Yes, something like that”

“Okay cool. Awesome”

“That fills you with awe?”

Dean had to stop at that one. Who was this robot who didn’t seem to understand the word awesome.

“No, I just meant, it’s cool, I’m going to be living there too. For a while at least.”

“Yes, I  know. I know who you are Dean.”

“What do you mean. Sam told you-”

“Watch the step” Castiel barely warned him in time. Dean would have fallen had it not been for Castiel’s grip on his waist. He practically carried Dean down the few short steps, though Dean wasn’t sure how he was managing it. They were standing in front of a large door, it looked strong enough to withstand a siege. Seemingly without effort, Castiel pushed it open, removing his hand from Dean’s waist momentarily to do so. A jolt when through Dean that had nothing to do with his pain, when Castiel took hold of him again.

_Don’t do this,_ He found himself thinking. _You know how fucking rare it is to find a guy like this who’s also interested in finding a guy like you. Calm down, you don’t even know the guy._

But Dean wished he did. It seemed he had grossly misjudged Castiel’s strength at his first glance. He was now guiding Dean down a series of stairs, they were going underground.

“What’s it like here?” Dean found himself asking, the descent was grim, Dean found it hard to imagine living here.

“Everybody seems content here” Castiel replied, aloof, that seemed to be his nature.

“Everybody. Wow, I’m actually kind of nervous, you know that.”

_What are you doing?_ Dean screamed in his own head. _Why are you telling him this?_ His mouth seemed out of his control however, as he heard himself continue.

“Is everybody up, what time is it? I don’t know what they’re going to think when they see me like this”

“I’m sure everybody will react appropriately” Castiel replied. They were nearing the end of the staircase.

_That’s a weird thing to say_ , Dean remarked. _Even for this guy._ Something Sam had said earlier was also sticking in his mind. It hadn’t seemed right, at the time.

_“Dean, no-one thinks that.”_

_Thinks_. Present tense. Abruptly Dean brought his feet to a stop, the heavy boots clanging noisily on the iron surface. Castiel looked at him curiously as Dean broke free of his grasp.

“Cas, do you know, why Sam and I are here?”

Castiel looked at him, his eyes wide, searching. Dean knew at once it was true.

“Does everybody know? Does everybody think I’m some fucking lame-ass kid who can’t get his Dad to stop beating on him, who needs everyone else to step in and fight his battles for him?”

Without realizing it, Dean had started to shout. Castiel didn’t miss a beat, he was still looking Dean dead in the eye.

“I think there are a certain few who are aware of the situation, yes”

“Dammit” The word came out softly, Dean had been expecting to shout, but suddenly he found he didn’t have the strength to. Everything he had been trying to escape, the best-kept secret of his entire life, it wasn’t even a secret anymore. Everyone knew, everyone knew how pathetic he was. His dad was right, he’d always been right, always, always...

“Dean” Cas was standing over him, when had he sat down. Was he hyperventilating? This couldn’t get more embarrassing.

“Cas, I can’t go in there, I can’t walk down these steps, in front of everyone, like a broken fucking child, I can’t, I can’t-”

“Ok Dean” Cas exhaled loudly. It was the first noise he had made that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Dean looked up at his face and realized that Castiel was still wearing the stern expression he’d been wearing since Dean had first seen him. He hadn’t reacted to Dean’s outburst with anything other than acceptance. _There’s no pity._ Dean realized, that was the difference. Sam and Bobby had been looking at him like he was an injured puppy and it was only now that Dean realized how refreshing it was that Castiel wasn’t.

“I just need a minute I think, or maybe ten, I don’t know” Dean was rambling and he knew it.

“I can take you to your room, without you having to see anyone else, if you’d like?” For the first time, Castiel’s tone had changed. He seemed wary, rueful, almost, that he was making the offer.

“My room? I have a room?” Castiel was nodding his head “Can you, that’s great, Cas! What is it like a back door or something”

_Back door, dude_. Dean felt himself cringe. _When did you turn into a bumbling idiot._

“No. It’s not a back door, as you say” It wasn’t as bad hearing Cas say it. “I don’t want to alarm you, so please don’t, uh, freak out, as the saying goes.”

“No man, sure, what is it like a window then or...” Dean trailed off. Castiel was extending his hand towards Dean’s face.

“What are you...”

“It’s ok, I won’t hurt you” Cas placed two fingers on his forehead.

_What in the hell?_ Dean waited, wondering if Castiel was somehow going to push him into his room. He waited for impact, movement, anything. All that happened was that he hear a flutter, as if of wind, then Castiel had removed his hand. Dean opened his eyes and found himself in a small, dark room. He was still sitting, though now he was on a bed that lay in the middle of the room. Castiel was standing opposite him.

“Cas, what the hell?” Dean would have gotten as far away as he could from the man, but, unsupported, he, once again, found himself incapable of movement.

“How did I get here, how did we get here? How did you, are you, did you bring me here?”

 Castiel sighed and turned away slightly, as if he was looking for something, or as if he couldn’t look at Dean.

“Yes, I brought you here.”

Dean’s jaw tightened, this couldn’t be good.

“What are you?”

“I’m an angel of the Lord”

Dean felt like he’d missed a step, going down the stairs. He could hear his heart beating, several beats passed before he could even think of saying anything.

“Get out of town. There’s no such thing.”

Castiel faced him now, his face showed no sign of deceit, and Dean, a fairly accomplished liar himself, knew how to spot one.

“Well, I don’t know if it’s true to say _Of the Lord_ anymore, given that I no longer serve heaven.”

Dean’s head was spinning, yet he couldn’t look away from this man before him, who was claiming to be an angel, something Dean had never believed in.

He hung his head and for a moment looked so broken that Dean could understand why Castiel had not shown him the pitying looks that Sam had Bobby had.

_He doesn’t want to be pitied either,_ Dean found himself thinking, _That is if he’s even telling the truth._

“How can I be sure you’re telling the truth?”

Castiel sighed again.

“I take it you are not a man of faith, Dean” and Castiel actually smirked, something Dean didn’t think he was able to do. Lifting his head, Castiel looked right at Dean as the walls began to shake.

_Is he going to fucking kill me for my trouble_ , Dean wondered before his eyes were drawn irrevocably back to Castiel. He heard himself gasp, upon seeing what lay before him.

Behind Castiel, or was it from Castiel, great shadows had grown. Thrown against the wall, two gigantic, black shapes unfolded. They were so large they stretched across the wall opposite Dean, crawled along the walls to the left and right of his bed and curled towards the ceiling.

_Wings. He is showing me his wings._

They were too large for the room, that much was obvious. They flashed for just a moment before they disappeared, the shaking disappearing with them. Dean became aware that his mouth was hanging open.

“Now that filled me with awe.”                                     

He was referencing the exchange they’d had earlier, but to his surprise a genuine smile spread over Castiel’s face. He suddenly looked younger than Dean had supposed him to be.

_He looks angelic, ha ha, oh god_. Dean groaned at his own joke and was glad he hadn’t said it aloud.

“Thank you. I haven’t had opportunity to reveal my wings in a very long time. It felt...” Castiel broke off, unsure of himself. “Though those are not, of course, my true wings, they are but shadows, outlines.”

“If that’s just an outline, I can’t even imagine how amazing the real things look like” Dean was genuinely curious, this seemed pleasing to Castiel.

“I have missed them, I’ll admit.”

“What do you mean? Had you lost them?”

“No, but, after I left heaven, I was lost. I had no real purpose until I found this place. Humans tend to be alarmed when I reveal my true abilities so I have been hiding them. In fact, that’s the reason I walked you to the bunker, rather than just bringing you straight from the car.”

“Wow” Dean wasn’t sure what he could say to that. “That’s...” he stopped suddenly. He’d noticed a mirror on the wall behind Castiel and for the first time in about 18 hours got a good look at his face. “Fuck” he breathed. His entire face was swollen, Dean thought he wouldn’t have recognized himself if he hadn’t know it was him. His left eye was blackened and the other was framed by a deep gash. It had been too painful to do much about the cuts earlier. Now the blood had dried and he looked monstrous.

“He really did a number on me, huh” Dean tried to laugh it off, seeing the damage really made the situation real, in a way it hadn’t been up to now. To his embarrassmentDean felt hot tears pricking in his eyes and he blinked them away furiously.

“Dean” Castiel was looking at him and Dean found he didn’t want to look at him, he didn’t want Cas to see him cry.

“Save the sympathy Cas, I don’t need it”

“No Dean, it’s not that, I can...”

Cas shook his head and stepped towards Dean. He took a seat beside Dean. Dean was uncomfortably  aware of Castiel’s knee touching his own. Cas lifted his hand and moved it, once again, towards Dean’s forehead.

“Whoa there, Cas, what are you doing?” Dean said this more sharply than he intended to and Castiel froze. “You gonna zap me someplace else?”

“No Dean” that rueful expression was back, Dean wondered what it meant.

“Just trust me” Cas had raised his hand again.

“Ok” this time Dean kept his eyes open, watched as Castiel placed a hand to his cheek and held it there. Without warning, his pain was gone, Dean gasped at the sensation.

“Cas!” Dean lifted his own hands to his face, as Castiel drew back his. The swelling had subsided, there was no pain at the touch. Glancing in the mirror Dean saw all signs of injury were gone, the face that was peering, astonished, at him, was, definitely, his own. Dean spun around- Cas was just watching him, as if he hadn’t just performed a miracle.

“I would have healed you earlier but, as I said, I was keeping my powers “under wraps”” Castiel made air quotes with his fingers as he spoke, the action seemed vaguely foreign to him.

“I’m sorry that, I let you suffer so long, I should have just-” Cas broke off, with a groan, as Dean pulled him tightly to him. He was by no estimation a big hugger, but this was no ordinary circumstance.

“Thanks, Cas” he whispered, before he released the _angel._

_Wow that would take some getting used to._

“I think you should get some rest, Dean” Castiel looked ruffled, he made an attempt to straighten his trench coat and flicked his eyes across the room.

“Yeah, ok” Dean found that his eyelids were drooping, maybe it was a side effect of the healing.

“But wait, have you really not told anyone here that you ‘re an angel” he asked, suddenly seeing the flaw in this situation.

“No Dean, I haven’t told anyone. No one but you.”

“But what will Sam and Bobby say when they see me all fixed up? And why me anyway Cas, why am I so special ”

“I suppose, I can leave the bunker” Castiel was avoiding the question Dean was more interested in hearing the answer to. He had not been expecting Cas’ solution either.

“What, no man. I can explain it to them. Or you can give me back my injuries, I don’t know. But there’s no way I’m going to be the reason you leave”

_That’s a pretty intense thing to say to a guy you just met._ Once again, Dean marvelled at his own recklessness. _He’s an angel now, remember, not just some “guy”._

“No Dean, I’m not going to hurt you” Cas delivered this flatly, leaving no room for argument.

“Well we’ll figure it out, ok?” Dean clapsed a hand to Castiel’s shoulder.

“Ok” Cas glanced at the hand on his shoulder and Dean quickly removed it, afraid he had overstepped some kind of boundry.

“Ok” Dean smiled. “I’ll see you tomorow, then?”

_You sound like a needy kid._

Castiel nodded “I’ll tell your brother that you are safe and sleeping.”

“That’d be great, Cas, thank you, for everything.”

“No need to thank me” Cas started to walk towards the door, stopping just before it.

“I like it”

“What?”

“Cas, a shortened version of my name. No one has ever called me that before.”

With that Cas was gone, closing the door softly behind him and leaving Dean wondering if all that had really just happened and, if it had, why the angel had decided to reveal itself to him.

 

 

 


	3. Breakfast for who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean lets Cas know there's no way he's letting him leave. Oh and we meet Jo.

The bunker’s lack of windows meant that when Dean woke up the room was in total darkness. He fumbled clumsily, searching in the darkness for his cell, or a lamp. The bedclothes tangled uncomfortably around them and finally he just flung them off. He lay for a moment before he realized he was now cold. He was clothed only in his boxers, though he didn’t remember having the energy to undress himself earlier that day.

Then again so much of the past few hours, of the last day, in fact, was a blur. He reached up, in the darkness, towards his own face, seeking to check the state of his injured face. Only when his hand touched smooth skin did the stranger details of the night come crashing back to him.

_A fucking angel. What in the hell?_

Weird or not, Dean was glad for the full use of his limbs again. He stretched his arms behind his back, letting his eyes adjust to the blackness. Lifting himself precariously from the nest that the bed had become, he made in the direction of the door. He groped along the cold stone wall until his hand chanced upon a light switch. The room illuminated with a click and Dean really looked, for the first time, at the room that was now his.

The room was sparsely furnished. Besides the bed in the center of the room, there was a bedside table, on which stood the lamp he could have done with earlier. A chest of drawers stood to the right of this, in the corner and a desk ran along the other wall. That was it.

But it was _his._ All his. They’d always moved around a lot, there was no other option with the way they lived. The motel rooms he’d shared with Sam had been grimy and uncomfortable, there was no nice way to put it. Up until yesterday, they’d been squatting in a house and had been for over a week. Even there, however, Dean had crashed on the couch in the dingy living room. It was hard to even imagine the comfort, the privacy that would come with this new arrangement.

“Thank you Bobby” Dean spoke the words aloud, walls seemed thick enough, he didn’t suppose anyone would hear him. Bobby. Sam! He had to go find Sam. He’d disappeared yesterday, with Castiel, he hadn’t even thought, in the moment, that he should have waited for Sam to return.

Cas. That was another problem. Dean had to find him first, they had to decide how they were going to explain to Sam and Bobby his miraculous healing.

Spying his clothes heaped at the side of the bed Dean started to dress. Any spare clothes he’d brought were either still in the car or with Bobby, he’d have to make do. Castiel’s healing hadn’t removed the blood from his clothes-the neck of his green jacket was stiff, the blood having long since dried in. Having laced his boots, Dean opened the door and took a stepped through.

He was standing in a long corridor, that extended in both directions. Having _flown,_ if that was the right word, into his room yesterday, Dean had no idea how to get to Sam, had no idea where Sam would even be. Maybe there would be a kitchen or dining room where everyone had breakfast. He turned his head left then right, peering down the passageway. There was no indication of difference between the two. On impulse Dean started to his left, pulling his cell from his jean pocket as he did so.

11:08. Dean didn’t know how long he’d been asleep, but he wasn’t accustomed to sleeping this late. Usually, he had to be up pretty early, whether they were working a case or just traveling.

_You’re really hoping to make a good first impression, aren’t you boy?_

His dad’s voice rang through his head, clear as a bell, though Dean had no recollection of him actually speaking those words to him.

“Shake it off, it’ll be fine” Dean felt foolish saying it aloud, but he had to reassure himself. It was a side of himself he rarely let anyone see, Sam especially. He couldn’t let his brother see him nervous or scared, he had to be strong, be a role model for the kid. All the same, Dean felt his stomach swoop, a tell-tale sign of his anxiety. He gritted his teeth and started to climb a staircase. Expecting a door, Dean was surprised when he suddenly found himself in a high-ceilinged room, the stair passage having come to an end. Before he could do more than look up, however he heard a voice ringing out.

“Dean Winchester, is that you?” Turning, Dean just caught sight of a flash of blonde, before he was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug, a hug that seemed too strong given the stature of the hugger. Dean froze for a moment, before discerning that he knew only one girl with a grip this strong.

“Jo” he let out a laugh, and gripped her tightly around the shoulders, she having gone for his waist.

“How long has it been, 3 years maybe?” His Dad had been friendly with the Harvelles for several years, until Jo’s dad was killed in an “accident” if one were to quote John Winchester. Dean suspected that the truth was more sinister, but he knew better than to question the man. Unprovoked he was cruel, with actual reason, positively volatile.

“About that, yeah” Jo spoke without hesitation, despite the 3 years since they’d last seen each other. Dean supposed she was roughly the same age as Sam, maybe a year younger: 17. She was petite and beautiful, she knew it too. Smiling demurely, she looked it up and down, appraising what she saw.

“Well you sure did grow up handsome, didn’t you?”

“You’re one to talk” Dean had missed her, she had always been easy-going and relaxed.

“So, you’re a hunter now? I didn’t realise you were following in your old man’s footsteps.”

Her face hardened for a moment, before the sloping grin returned.

“I couldn’t let you boys have all the fun, now could I?”

She winked and inclined her head, signaling him to follow her. Dean shook his head slightly- she was one hell of a flirt. It would be so easy to be with Jo, what with both of them in the business. But Dean had always seen Jo as a little sister, perhaps it was because they were both so similar. Besides, at the moment, Dean was preoccupied with the memory of the gorgeous angel he’d met yesterday.

“Castiel”

_Speak of the Devil._

Jo had led him to a, sort of meeting area. Well, there were several tables with chairs. One table was adorned with crockery and cereal boxes, though, given the reading lamps on the surrounding tables, the area seemed more suited to research than breakfast. And sitting in one of said chairs, was the angel, his legs tucked under him, his hair impossibly disheveled. The trench coat was gone, replace by a maroon hoodie and green t-shirt. He looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and, Dean thought, he couldn’t have looked sexier.

Jo swept behind Castiel, landing a kiss on his cheek as she did so, “Morning, you”

Huh. Maybe Jo wasn’t as smitten with him as he’d always thought. Worse, maybe Castiel was absolutely off-limits, just to make everything shittier.

“Hey, Cas” Dean raised his hand in a, sort of, salute. Castiel was wide-eyed, as if he’d been caught off-guard.

“Dean” he stood, nearly tripping over himself in his haste. Dean suddenly feared he was blushing, he had to pull himself together.

“You two know each other?” Jo’s mouth lifted in a crooked smile, the question was loaded, suggestive.

_She couldn’t have fucking guessed, just from that._

“Uh yeah, we met yesterday” Dean cleared his throat, his eyes flitting between Jo and Cas. Castiel looked about as uncomfortable as he felt, though Dean didn’t know why that would be.

“Cas helped me inside yesterday”

“What did you need help with your bags, old man?”

 _She doesn’t know._ Dean felt relief wash over him. He’d been treading lightly, unable to read Jo’s expression.

“Uh, I meant I didn’t know my way in, Cas showed me to my room”

“Yeah, I bet he did”

“What”

“So, Dean, how are you?” Cas interrupted them, raising his voice to do so.

“Yeah, good, really good, actually. But I need to talk you, Cas. Now”

“By all means” Castiel was waiting, as if Dean knew where to go.

“Is there somewhere we can go, somewhere quieter?”

“Ah, of course, follow me, Dean”

At least Cas could take a hint.

Unlike Jo.

“Hey, wait-what’re you gonna say that you can’t say in front of me” She looked obstinate and Dean was suddenly reminded of her youth, she always seemed old beyond her years.

“Nothing, I just need to ask about Sam.”

“I can tell you”

“No really, it’s ok, Cas has got it”

“No really, it’s ok, _I’ve_ got it”

“Jo” Castiel interjected, “Dean needs to talk to me about a problem he has. A personal problem”

 _Sweet fucking lord._ Now he was definitely going red. Jo looked thrilled.

“Oh, okay. I see. You’ve got an itch that only Castiel can scratch”

“No, what, I don’t know what you”

“Let’s go Dean” Castiel was steering him away from Jo, who was grinning at him like she’d won a fucking prize.

“Dude, what the hell” Dean rounded on Cas, as soon as they were out of earshot.

“You wanted to get away from her, I just thought I would help”

“Help, you made it sound like I’ve got a problem with my junk, or something!”

“Dean, please. Last night when I healed you, I made sure that your “junk” was in perfect working order.”

“You what? No never mind, it’s ok. About last night though”

Cas sighed and a look of genuine sadness passed over his face.

“Yes, I suppose you realise now that it is impossible for me to remain living here”

“What, dude, no way. This was your home before it was mine. I think we’ll be fine once we explain to Bobby and Sam that you’re an angel”

“Dean, I am not sure that is wise”

“Sure it is. No-one else saw me yesterday, no one else is expecting me to look beat up.”

“Yes, but once they know, I am not sure they’ll want me living here.”

“Why wouldn’t they? Dude, it’s freakin’ awesome, a real live angel living under this roof. I don’t think anyone here even knows that angels are real.”

“No, as a matter of fact, they don’t.”

“See, it’ll be awesome.” “They will think that I am too dangerous to work with”

“You, dangerous? Dude, you couldn’t even leave me in pain yesterday, you’re not dangerous”

Dean didn’t know how it happened, but he found himself against the wall, Castiel’s hands pinning his shoulders.

“They would be right to think that Dean. I am a hurricane, trapped in a man. I could rip this entire structure from the earth, taking all of you with it. I am dangerous Dean, it’s the reason I chose not to reveal my powers to anyone. But now, I have shared them with you and it would be best you don’t make the mistake of forgetting what I’ve said.”

Castiel broke off but he kept his hands on Dean’s shoulder, fixing Dean with a stare that he could not look away from. He was conscious of how heavily he was breathing. Worse still, he felt a heat in his stomach, that he recognized too easily as arousal.

_Not a good time. The dude has just said he can kill you._

“Ok Cas” Dean tried to keep his tone measured, placating. “Ok. I understand why you don’t think they’ll want you living here. But I’ll tell them that it’s ok, I’ll make them see that you’re one of the good guys. Hell, you fixed me, didn’t you?”

Castiel slowly removed his hands, his expression somewhat sullen.

“Do you think that will work, Dean?”

“I know it will” Dean nodded encouragingly  “You gotta trust me, man”

“I trust you, Dean”

“Ok then, let’s head back up to breakfast, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

They started back the way they’d come, Dean shooting glances out of the corner of his eye at the angel. _A hurricane, trapped in a man, eh?_ What did one say to that?

“I am not, starving”

“What”

“I do not need to eat”

Dean did a double take at that, turning fully to examine the man by his side.

“Really? Wow. A life without food. I think I’d sooner die. It’s like that question, you know, which would you rather live without, food or sex, well I say life isn’t worth living without either.”

_You talk a lot when you’re nervous._

“That isn’t to say I don’t eat though” Cas had, thankfully, picked up where Dean had left off. “I have had to eat in order to blend in with the hunters here. I have even acquired a taste for some foods, hamburgers especially”

Castiel was smiling now. It changed his face completely, Dean liked seeing him smile.

“Well, remind me to buy you a burger sometime, Cas.”

_Did you just ask him out on a fucking date?_

“I think I would like that, Dean”

Dean looked at Castiel. He barely knew anything about the guy, except that he was, as he said himself, incredibly dangerous and, oh yeah, he wasn’t even human. Despite all that Dean knew that he was going to try, that he wanted to get to know Cas as well as he could. And if something more came of that, well, Dean wouldn’t complain.

_“You are just a magnet for trouble, aren’t you?”_

_Shut up, Dad. Just shut up._


	4. Much Ado About Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas can stay, it took an awfully long time for me to say it.

“Sammy, stop!”

Dean had to ram a hand into his brother’s chest to stop him from lunging at Castiel. His brother’s eyes flashed as he fought against the restraint. It was all Dean could do to hold him off, Sam had gotten so strong and he had about 4 inches on him.

“He’s not human, Dean!”

“Yeah, but Sam”

“We hunt, we _kill_ things that aren’t human! Or have you forgotten the forgotten the _family business?_ ”

Of course he fucking hadn’t.Saving people. _Hunting things._ The family business.It was ingrained in him like a chant, John had seen to that.

“Sam just listen for a second, will you”

“Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t kill him right now”

“I’d like to see you try” Castiel quietly, Dean only heard what he said because he was standing directly in front of him, in what he had thought was a protective stance. Of course, he’d been foolish to assume that Castiel would ever need his protection.

“Look at me!” Dean forcibly lowered his tone, casting furtiveglances around the room they’d gathered in. He didn’t want any other hunters to overhear anything that was said.

“That’s my reason, look at me, man” Dean cautiously removed his hand from his brother’s chest, he noticed it was heaving with exertion. “You saw what a mess I was yesterday, Cas fixed me up without a second thought. He’s one of the good guys, Sam.”

Sam’s face was wary as he glanced to his left. “What do you think, Bobby?”

Dean tore his eyes from his brother’s face and looked at the older hunter. Bobby’s face was drawn, he looked shattered. It was understandable- he had driven over 12 hours yesterday.

“Why didn’t you say somethin’ about this before now, Castiel?” Bobby addressed the angel, which was more than Sam had thought to do, Dean noticed. Castiel let out a rush of breath and stepped from behind Dean, to stand beside him as he spoke.

“I was afraid that if you, or any of the other hunters here knew of my powers, you would not accept me here. I knew it was probable that everybody would react to the news in same manner as Sam”

“And what manner is that” Sam’s voice was venomous, deadly. “I  think this is the appropriate reaction for finding out that a monster has befriended your brother, a monster that was stupid enough to take up residence with a gang of hunters!”

“Sam, that’s enough!” Dean surprised himself with the volume of his voice. “Cas isn’t a monster. He’s an angel. Haven’t you always wanted me to believe in angels? In God? Here you go, it’s all real, this is a good thing!”

Dean suspected he was pushing his luck with this, Sam knew how “anti-God” and anything religious he’d always been. Still the reminder seemed to calm Sam, who visibly shrank, his shoulders slumping slightly, his head bowed.

“I just never thought it would be like this”

“Hey” Dean took a step towards his brother, aware of how exposed Cas was to Bobby now, though the danger of an attack seemed to have passed “It’s ok Sam, really. It’s all going to be fine. I feel fantastic and I have Cas to thank for that.” Dean smiled over his shoulder but Cas was unmoved, he was staring rigidly at Dean, unblinking.

_Well, that’s a little creepy._

“But I think that, to be on the safe side, we should keep this between the four of us” Dean raised his eyebrows in question at Bobby, who exhaled heavily, before nodding his assent.

“I suppose that’s probably for the best”

“Damn straight it is. If anyone here thinks we have anything to do with an angel, they’ll probably kick us out of the bunker. Or kill us.”

“Oh come _on_ Sam, don’t be a bitch about this” Dean groaned. Why was Sam making this so difficult.

“Shut up, jerk”

“There it is” a small smiled had flitted across Sam’s face, not even he could be impervious to the old joke they’d had since they were kids.

“Uh, Dean?” Dean turned, Cas’ hadn’t spoken in quite a while.

“Yeah, dude, what is it?”

“I have to go, uh, see Jo about something.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. I’m sorry, but it’s important”

“Well then yeah, Cas, go ahead. I’ll see you later though?”

_You’re so needy._

“Of course” With just a nod Cas was gone, his footsteps echoing round the room as he left.

“Wow” Dean slowly turned to face Sam, who was grinning, the word hanging in the air.

“Wow, what?” Dean snapped, his tone sharper than he had intended it to be. “By the way, who sure made that a hell of lot harder than that needed to be”

“I think he made _it_ hard, alright” “What?”

“Nothing” Sam was really smirking now, his demeanorwas so altered from how it had been just moments ago. “He’s just really got clutching tight to those wings, hasn’t he?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I think you know.” “No I don’t Sam. He hasn’t even showed me his wings, well he showed me something, I think he called it a shadow, I’m not sure...No, stop!” He had been rambling and the look Sam was giving him told him that that was not a good thing. Time to get off the subject. “Is there anything you’d like to say Bobby, you’ve been awfully quiet over there.

“I’m not going near this one with a ten-foot pole” Bobby held his hands up, in front of his, he was taking no sides in the argument. “Castiel has been really showing progress here as a hunter, I don’t see why that would be any different now. I hope he stays.”

“Yeah, me too” Cas still uneasy about the situation. It was clear he’d be a bit of a flight risk.

_Haha, literally._

“Thanks for telling me, by the way Dean” Bobby was walking towards the door as he spoke. He stopped, his hand resting against the doorframe. “You could’ve kept this to yourself and hoped for the best but you did the right thing. You know you can always come to about anything, right?”

Whoa, that had got way too deep too fast. Abort, abort.

“Yeah, of course, Bobby” Dean cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice gruff. “I’ll be sure to drop a line when I’m lookin’ the local strip joint”

“Ok” Bobby rapped his knuckles against the wood, dismissing himself. “See you boys later? I think some of the fellas are goin’ up to shoot some targets later.”

“Sounds good. See ya, Bobby.” Once Bobby had left Dean wheeled around to face his brother, but Sam beat him to the punch, clapping a hand on his shoulder. All signs of humour were gone, his grip was so tight it was almost painful, yesterday it would have been unbearable.

“Dean, what the fuck are you thinking?”

“Now Samantha, it’s impolite to swear”

“I mean it Dean!” the attempt to lighten the mood had not only fallen flat, it seemed to aggravate the younger man. Dean could see Sam’s nostrils flaring-that was never a good sign.

“Sam. It’s all good. It’s better than good in fact. Cas is a really cool dude, from what I’ve seen, I think you’ll like him.”

_But you better not like him as much as I do._

“Yeah about that, Dean” a strange look passed over Sam’s face, Dean couldn’t place the expression. “It’s not like you to get chummy with people you barely know, I mean I wouldn’t exactly call you the trusting kind of guy”

That was true. Dean had always made sure Sam brought a knife to school and that was just to protect against other people, let alone monsters.

“Yeah, I know, but trust me, Sam, when I say that Cas can definitely be trusted. I dunno, man, there’s just something about him...” Dean trailed off. He cast a glance at his brother’s face, unsure of what he could say to justify this statement. He did not know how much Sam had guessed about him. If Sam knew about the guys Dean had seen, over the years, he had never let on. As for the things Dean had done for money, in the past, when they really needed it, well Dean hoped that was a secret that he would take to his grave.

_In the past? Please. Sure wasn’t it just last week that you sucked off that guy, at the bar in-_

“Please just trust me, ok Sam?” He had been silent _way_ too long.

Sam seemed to contemplate his answer “Be careful, Dean. You don’t know quite what you’re dealing it and I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Come on” Dean blew air out of his mouth, brushing off his brother’s concern “You know me, “Careful” is my middle name”

“Huh, that’s funny. I thought you always said that danger was your middle name”

“That too, what I can’t have two middle names?”

“And you call me the dork!”

Sam was smiling again, that was all Dean had been waiting for “Hey, hey shut it! You are the dork, little brother”

It was a relief to have that out of the way and for it to have gone reasonably well was more than Dean could have hoped for. A large part of him had been expecting Cas to take flight in the midst of the discussion.

“So how about we go meet some of these other hunters, eh?” Dean raised his hands in invitation to Sam. At least they could help each other through the initial awkwardness.

“Oh, I actually met most of them last night, when you were asleep. They all seem pretty cool.”

“Oh” Dean had not been expecting that and he realised, to his horror, that his surprise was clear in his tone.

_“You gonna cry? I’d bet you’re gonna cry. You always were a weak piece of shit”_

“Yeah, so do you want to go up and meet some of them?” Either Sam was oblivious or he was giving Dean an out. Dean was relieved, whichever it was.

“Sure” Dean smiled, fighting to keep his face relaxed. He couldn’t let Sam see he was worried, couldn’t let him know he’d been worrying about this moment since Bobby first mentioned the other hunters to them, on the ride over. It wasn’t that Dean was unsociable, but, often times, over the years, they had been quite isolated. Dean had been left to care for Sam. Weeks at a time had been spent on their own. Not to mention that the previous day’s incident had left Dean a bit shaky. To say he was nervous was an understatement. His stomach was tight his anxiety.

“Let’s go” he gritted his teeth as he followed Sam out the door.

_Just breathe. In and out, in and out._


	5. Dean Doesn't Want To Talk About Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets Kevin and wonders where his angel is off to.

Dean blinked in the bright sunlight, after hours spent, not only indoors, but underground, the light was dazzling. As his eyes adjusted, he took in the sight that lay before him. An outdoor shooting range had been set up in a nearby field-target practice. Sam had assured him that they would be welcome to join in with the other hunters, in the morning training session.

_Sure, it’s fine for him. He’s probably already made friends with everyone._

Dean had yet to meet even one hunter. Well, there was  Cas, but Dean wasn’t sure that Cas counted as a hunter. It was a weird situation, he’d got going on there. The angel had opened up to Dean without hesitation and, even more crazily, Dean had followed suit. He balked, remembering the details he had disclosed to Cas the previous evening, or was it earlier that morning? He must’ve been half out of his mind with fatigue, to have spoken so candidly about his dad, with the angel.

_Stop thinking about it. Focus on now. You have to make a good impression, you have to try to fit in, for Sammy’s sake if anything._

“You ok, Dean?” Dean snapped out of his reverie at the sound of his brother’s voice. “Course I am” Dean replied, working hard to put some bravado in his reply “What about you, you need me to hold your hand out here, I know crowds can be intimidating.”

_Don’t you know it._

“Dean, you don’t have to do that with  me”

“Do what?”

Sam looked at Dean, as if he wanted to say something, seeming to give up as he sighed “Never mind. Should be nice, shooting just for sport, huh? God knows we could do with a bit of that.”

They had been walking as they spoke and Dean now realised, his stomach giving a reassuring jolt, that they had reached the base, where a group of 4 were assembled, readying their rifles.

_It’s only 4 people, you can do this. What were you even worried for?_

“Hey, Kevin!” Sam called out, his arm raised in salutation. Dean watched as a short, blacked hair, kid turned, waving enthusiastically in return.

“Sam!” his voice suggested he was pretty young, Dean guessed 16 or so.

“We’ll be right over!” Kevin nodded, turning back to the group. “That’s Kevin” Sam told Dean, shaking his head slightly, a grin spreading over his face. “If last night was anything to go by, he should be a cool guy to hang with.”

_You were drinking, last night? When you thought I was laid up, beat to within an inch of my life? Nice Sam, real nice._

“Okay” Dean drew out the second syllable, buying himself some time. So far so good, well, at least nothing was bad. Dean could see several targets set up, roughly 50 meters away. Kevin, and several others, were standing together a short distance from the brothers, taking shots. Judging by the state of the boards, no-one was having much success. Sam and Dean were heading towards a rack, on which several rifles still sat, there’s for the taking. After setting up the guns, the brothers jaunted over to the hunters, well Dean was certainly jaunting. He had been told he had a tendency to act butch when he was nervous and never had Dean been more aware of this fault than right now. He just couldn’t stop himself, though, so it was almost a relief when they could stop walking.

“How are you, man” Kevin caught Sam’s hand in his, in a sort of shake.

“Good, thanks” Sam took a step back admiring the scene around them “This is a pretty nice set up you got here.”

“I know, right? It does the job anyway” Kevin broke off, turning his attention, for the first time, to Dean “This your brother?”

“Hi” Dean was unsure if he should wave, or salute, do something with his free hand. In the end he simply nodded at Kevin, hoping he wouldn’t appear overly stand-offish. “I’m Dean”

“I know, Sam told us about you” he gestured to the other hunters in his wake. Dean hadn’t seen Jo until that moment, he was relieved to see a familiar face. “He didn’t mention just what delicate features you have, though. Surely you’ve been told that you’re a bit too, what’s the word... _pretty_ for a hunter?”

That _fucking_ word. Would it ever go away. Kevin was smirking slightly, the hunter to his right laughed. Dean didn’t know if he was joking or not, but he found he didn’t quite care, either. Who the _fuck_ says something like that to someone they’ve just met. Dean was suddenly aware he was seething. This kid had managed to push one of Dean’s few buttons. It was one his dad had used mercilessly against him.

_“Of course you have to be the bait for the vampires. You’re just what they like and you be damn sure to do whatever you have to do to buy us enough time.”_

_Oh god, not now._

“Huh” Dean focused on his breathing. The noise that escaped him was relatively neutral, he hoped Kevin couldn’t see how he had affected him. As Kevin nudged the other hunter, Dean spied Castiel approaching from a distance, he hadn’t been there before. He knew that there was only one thing he could do. Wordlessly he turned and strode forward, until he was at the designated mark. Raising the gun, he took in the target. It was untouched- no one had made the shot. With barely a seconds delay, he fired a shot off. He was not surprised to see the mark that appeared in the small red circle, set in the centre of the target.

_Bulls-eye._

Slowly, he pivoted, before strolling back to the group, who were watching him. They had, at last, fallen silent. Dean looked Kevin straight in the eye as he spoke, keeping his words levaled, every breath measured.

“Pretty just kicked your ass, kid”

Kevin, to his credit, was sheepish, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he replied “Man, I was just kidding around. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Looking him up and down, Dean realised just how short this kid was. Sam probably had a foot on him, if not more. He was probably just as used to taunting as Dean.

“It’s cool, dude” Dean extended his hand and Kevin took it, a smile breaking over his face. His relief was evident.

“So let’s see what you’ve got, short-stop.” Well, he couldn’t let him off too easily after all.

Kevin laughed as he moved off towards the mark. Jo, Sam and the other hunter dispersed, lining up to take their shots. Dean cast his eyes around for Cas, but the angel had disappeared as quickly as he’d appeared, it was as if he hadn’t been there at all. Dean shrugged it off, moving forward to examine Kevin’s technique, maybe he would even give the kid a few pointers.


	6. Crying With a Side of Bacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean sees Ellen for the first time in years and finally lets some of his emotions show.

“It wasn’t _that_ bad!”

“Kevin, you not only missed the target, you hit my target” “And I got a bull’s eye!”

“Not, really the same thing” Dean was laughing as he and the other hunters traipsed back into the bunker. Kevin, it transpired, was an awful shot, he could barely handle the kick back of his rifle. He had been good-humored about it, however and Dean found himself warming to the kid, despite the awkward altercation that had occurredthat morning. He did wonder what Kevin was doing, hanging with this group of hunters, when he seemed to have  so _very_ little training. Kevin seemed to sense the question and decided to answer it, though Dean had been tactful enough not to ask.

“Sorry?”

“I mostly do hacking” Kevin clarified, a knowing smile on his face. “Computer work too. Lots and lots of research.”

“Sounds...fun?” Dean thought it sounded awful. He always let Sam do as much of the research as possible, it was so tedious, trawling through dozens of articles, just to find one that was a possible case. He preferred to be out in the field, experiencing the action.

“It is, genuinely. I always liked that kind of thing, I always wanted to do something in a science or technological field when I left school.”

This kid was smart. He was like a mini Sam. Emphasis on the mini. But Dean had to ask “What happened”

Kevin puffed out his cheeks then blew the air out, stopping in the corridor and letting Sam and Jo walk past “It was my mom”

_Ouch._ Dean knew what that was like. He silently cursed himself for having asked, God knows he never liked to talk about his mom. “Say no more kid”

“No, it’s ok” Kevin continued. He put his hands on his hips, bracing himself before saying “A demon. Cross-roads we think. He was trying to get to me, for some reason, only my mom stepped in. She sold her soul to protect me.”

“Geez” Kevin had been dealt a rough hand. Being on a demon’s radar was definitely a bad thing. “I’m sorry, man. That really sucks”

_You suck at the sympathy thing, you know that? Leave it to Sam next time._

“Yeah, I know” Kevin looked years older, he had suffered a lot for someone so young. “So, I knew I had to become a hunter” he elaborated, his face brightening with passion “I had to do it, for her.”

Dean nodded. He understood, of course. Hadn’t his father dedicated, not only his life, but his two sons’ as well to the cause of avenging his dead wife? Dean couldn’t help the dread that roiled in his stomach when he heard Kevin say these words, however. Hunting for revenge never seemed to bring any sense of justice. It only brought more pain. But, then again, if anything was worth fighting for, wouldn’t it be family?

_Hmm, wasn’t it dad who always said that? Funny thing, the way he treated his family, though, of course, you know that..._

Dean clapped a hand to Kevin’s back, before following him down the stairs. From this vantage point, he got a good look at the bunker. The staircase opened onto a balcony, which overlooked a circular room, tiled black and white. Dean could see some weaponry, as well as a chess board and a radio.

 

Beyond this lay, what Dean now recognized as, a vast library. The tables Jo had taken him to for breakfast were here and now, for the first time, Dean noticed the books. They were everywhere; on the research tables, on bookshelves, some were stacked in neat piles on the floor, as if someone had been researching the same topic for hours and hours, before calling it a night and, too tired to return the books to their shelves, had simply left them there. It had the appearance of use, of life. It was homely.

_I could get used to this._

Following Kevin, Dean passed through the library and shortly found himself in a kitchen, where he was greeted by the smell of frying bacon. Mouth watering in anticipation, Dean scarcely glanced at  the figure working at the cooker. It was only after taking a second look that Dean’s heart jumped into his mouth, as he realised who it was. He found he couldn’t speak and it was only when she turned, emptying a pan of bacon onto a tray, that he found his tongue at last, though his mouth was so dry he didn’t think he’d make a sound.

“Ellen”

“Oh my god”

Ellen looked shocked, she froze, mid-action, paying no mind to a stray strip of bacon that fell to the floor with a gentle thud. Her eyes were wide and her mouth slightly agape. Kevin, Sam, Jo and the hunter who had been identified as “Garth” stalled their conversation to watch, bemusementevident on their faces.

“Joanna Beth take over here” Ellen didn’t take her eyes from Dean’s face. Jo took the pan and Ellen was across the room in 3 strides, catching Dean in a hug so tight he thought he might crack another rib. Jo took after her mother.

“Dean” Ellen took Dean’s face in her hands for a moment, before dropping her hands to his shoulders “Dean honey, it’s so good to see you. I’ve been so worried, from the moment Bobby left to pick you boys up. But you look ok, Dean, are you hurt, sweetie?”

Dean had been so caught up in the moment he barely thought to stop Ellen, but he managed, just in time too. The others were positively gawking now, except Sam who looked upset.

“Ellen, Ellen, stop” Dean smiled at the hunter he’d known for most of his life and it was genuine. He was thrilled to see Ellen, for a time she had been, not a mother, but an aunt to him. That was, of course, before his dad had messed everything up.

“I’m happy to see you too” Dean continued, thinking fast. He had to get away from their audience. Jo’s eyes had almost fallen out of her head when Ellen asked if he was hurt.

“Can we talk, back, uh, near the library?” Dean gestured vaguely behind him with his thumb.

_More like as far from here as possible._

“Of course, sweetie” Dean led the way, Ellen calling over her shoulder “Serve up that food Jo, don’t make me ask twice” seeming to sense that Jo was on the point of running after them. The woman had eyes in the back of her head.

“Ughh” Dean heard Jo’s huff of exasperation but, mercifully, she stayed put. When they reached the library, Dean leant against a table, taking in the other hunter. She looked well and rested. Come to think of it though, the last time he had seen her, John had been telling her that her husband had been killed on the job. Dean shuddered at the memory-that had been an awful day.

“So how have you been Ellen” Dean folded his arms across his chest as he spoke, the image of a man at ease.

Of course it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“Never mind me, sweetie” a fire had started behind Ellen’s eyes, she was not going to be derailed. “I’ve been so worried, my god, thinking of you kids up in that house with that _man”_

The last word was spoken with the utmost disgust, Ellen’s entire face shifted as she spoke, for a moment she looked mildly threatening. Dean ran a hand through his hair, sighing before he replied

“So you know, about...everything?”

_You better hope she doesn’t know **everything** , she’d never look at you the same if she did._

“Bobby told me” Ellen’s voice was thick, she was, to Dean’s horror, on the point of tears. “Honey, I am so sorry. Look at you, come here”

Maybe crying was contagious. That was the only explanation Dean had as to why tears had started silenty streaming down his cheeks. As Ellen pulled him into another hug, Dean took in her scent and, oh god, it was the same Ellen. Ellen who’d held his hand as his dad stitched up his shoulder for the first time (it wasn’t as if  they could go to the hospital and explain why a 13 year old had a gash that deep in his shoulder). Ellen who’d told him it was ok to cry when he fell in the yard and scraped his knee. Ellen who’d asked him if there were any girls he liked at school and, when Dean had said no, asked if there were any boys he liked either. It was Ellen, the same old Ellen and suddenly Dean couldn’t take it any more and he felt his shoulders heave as he gave up and collapsed against her chest. He was sobbing, he didn’t think he’d ever cried like this in his life. But that was because he  never could , now, now....

“I never thought I’d actually get away from him”

Dean gasped the words, his voice wrecked. He’d never allowed himself to imagine leaving, knew he never could, for Sam’s sake.  Finally giving voice to the dream he’d never allowed himself to have was surreal, a fresh wave of sobs wracked over Dean. And Ellen let him cry himself out, rubbing his shoulders, his hair, his back, as he did.

Dean became aware that the tears had ceased falling. They fell silent, except for the occasional gulp that escaped him. Dean straightened up gently breaking free of Ellen’s grasp. How long had she just held him like that, letting him cry into her shirt?

Dean cleared his throat “Sorry, about that” He wasn’t sure if he meant for her shirt or something else. Ellen just shook her head, her eyes full of tears. Dean became aware that the back of his own shirt was wet-she’d been crying into his shoulder.

“Sweetie, you never have to apologise to me.”

God, she was going to start him off again.

Ellen sat down and Dean mirrored her, holding his head in his hands, bracing his elbows against his knees. For a moment they were silent, before Ellen spoke.

“How long has he been” she broke off swallowing hard. “Was this going on back when you boys used to be round at our place”

_She mightn’t want to hear this..._ Dean covered his face with his hands before nodding his head. Her heard Ellen inhale sharply.

“Dean, that was 5 years ago you boys stopped coming round” Dean raised his head just an inch, his eyes still lowered, but it was enough, Ellen picked up on the movement at once.

“It was before that wasn’t it?” When Dean didn’t reply she rushed on “Was this going on when you were kids”

It was all Dean could do to nod his head. He pressed his finger tips against his eyelids as he did so.

“Jesus, Dean. That’s at least 12 years you’re talking”

Ellen sounded so desperate, Dean didn’t want to make it worse. At the same time, he knew that if he didn’t say it now he probably never would. Removing his hands from his face he looked her in the eye as he spoke “The first time was a little after mom died”

If it hurt Dean to say it, who could say what it did to Ellen, to hear it for the first time. Her face was white with horror, realising that Dean had suffered almost two decades of abuse. For a long time she was silent, just looking at Dean, who lowered his face again.

“I don’t want to make you talk until you’re ready, Dean” Ellen’s voice was quiet, careful when she finally spoke again “Maybe you’ll never exactly feel ready to talk. But it might help, to talk about it.”

Dean hesitated, all his life he’d been taught to bury any emotions he had, any pain he felt. It had been that way since his mom’s death. But, then again, Dean reasoned, hadn’t he just broken John Winchester’s first commandment and in a pretty _massive_ way, if he did say so himself. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

“You’ve seen my dad hunt, right Ellen?”

Ellen nodded, leaning back in her seat. Dean licked his lips, his tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of his mouth.

“Well then, you’ve seen” Dean cleared his throat, steeling himself, “That he really knows how to make it hurt”

“Oh god, sweetie” Ellen was crying again but Dean was past that now. He wanted to get this out, at least some of it.

“It was worse when he was drunk. Always. Because at least when he was sober he tried to keep it quiet. And that was what I wanted, because I never wanted Sam to know, I was afraid that if he knew...”

It was unimaginable. The idea of John doing to Sam what did to Dean. What he _used_ to do, that was. No, that was something Dean had always been sure of. He would have sooner killed the old man then let him do that to Sam. Ellen knew what he meant, she shook her head, a small groan escaping her.

“He was drunk when Bobby came, that was why he hadn’t the sense to stop before Bobby came charging in, guns blazing” the sound was unnatural but it was funny if you could separate the action from the situation. Bobby had literally burst through the door with a loaded shotgun, prepared to sink a few in his dad’s chest. Once he started he couldn’t stop, maybe the crying had screwed with his emotions. He threw back his head and laughed, even Ellen gave a small smile at that. Dean was breathless as he continued

“I was so shocked to see Bobby I didn’t even feel the last lash he gave me with his belt. He was so drunk he couldn’t even stop himself in time. Bobby caught him right in the act.

Dean shook his head, unsure where to go from there. Ellen was examining him quizzically, scrutinizinghim. She opened her mouth to speak, then seemed to think better of it.

“What is it, Ellen.”

Ellen was staring at the floor. She raised her head at the question, sighing before answering.

“From what you’ve just told me and what Bobby said last night, you were flayed to within an inch of your life, Dean. But you don’t even have a scratch on you”

  1. Dean knew he couldn’t begrudge Cas for what he did but it did make things a bit awkward.



“Yeah, I dunno, I guess he tended to go for places that wouldn’t be seen, you know” That was true, to be fair, though he had, on occasions such as yesterday, lost the run of himself and gone right for the face.

_“Have to keep you lookin’ nice and pretty in case we need to lay a trap, right son?”_

“Of course” Ellen looked embarrassed for having asked, Dean felt bad that he had to be so evasive “I shouldn’t have asked”

“No, it’s fine, really” Dean brushed off the rebuttal with a wave of his hand. The awkwardness had passed and he had _finally_ stopped crying. Dean stood to leave, Ellen following suit “Thanks for that, Ellen” Dean couldn’t quite meet her eye but he ploughed on regardless “I didn’t know how much I needed that.”

Ellen covered her mouth with her hand as if to stop herself from crying out. It occurred to Dean just how affected she was by the encounter and suddenly he found he’d pressed a hand to his own mouth. The words slipped out regardless, before he knew what was happening he was saying “I didn’t think there was anyone I could ever tell about this. Dad made it seem-”

What had John made it seem like? That no-one would care if Dean came to them, that no one cared enough about him to worry. Then there was the worry of what he would do if Dean did tell anyone.

“I just didn’t think I had anyone to talk to”

Ellen moved forward, gripping his arm. Dean towered over her but he felt small as she spoke

“You can always talk to me, sweetie, about anything.”

“Thanks, Ell-” Dean’s voice broke on her name. He looked up at the high ceiling, blinking the tears away.

“Do you think there’s any of that bacon left?”

Ellen flicked her head towards the kitchen, releasing her hold on his arm.

“Let’s go see”

 


	7. A Good Day to Cry Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How much crying can one person do? Well if it gets them alone time with an angel...

The kitchen was empty, Dean supposed the others had taken the bacon to go. Ellen began pulling assorted foods from the fridge, evidently intending more cooking. Dean followed the smell of bacon that lingered in the air-it wasn’t long before he stumbled on the 4 hunters lounging on chairs in a room adjacent to the kitchen. As he approached Dean could have sworn he heard someone talking in a low voice, however the voice fell silent as his footsteps announced his imminentarrival. Dean poked his head around the doorframe before stepping into the room.

Every head was turned to him. Kevin’s eyes were narrowed, calculating and Jo was postively agape. Sam, to his credit, glanced away quickly, but it was this reaction that gave the game away. Dean felt a flutter of horror in his stomach and he gritted his teeth to counter it. This was going to be rough.

“How much did you hear” Dean addressed the whole room, flicking his eyes to every face in turn. No one answered him, each assessing the other, trying to gauge what their next move should be.

_Sure now they won’t look at me._

“Sam” Dean turned his attention to his brother now, determined to squash this monster before it grew legs. But seeing Sam’s face, Dean wished he could erase the image from his mind. The wrinkled brow and darting eyes-it was a mixture of fear and embarrassmentnd Dean was pretty certain he knew what had caused it.

“Oh Jesus, Sammy, what did you _see_?”

He hadn’t even worried about them seeing his outburst, merely that they might have heard it from the kitchen. Thinking back to the hungry curiosity on Jo’s face though, Dean’s stomach positivelyroiled-she might have followed him, might have seen everything.

Dean didn’t know which was worse; Jo and the others witnessing him break down crying (crying harder than he’d ever have imagined he could, no less) or them knowing the reason for the outburst, the secret he’d given so much to protect. Dean wanted nothing more than to escape, to turn tail and run from this moment, from himself, from the memories rattling in his brain. Sam lifted his head, his face was so pale Dean found himself rooted to the floor, unable to turn away. He couldn’t do anything but look at his little brother looked as wretched as Dean felt.

“We” Sam cleared his throat unnecessarilybefore continuing “We just wanted to see what you guys were  up to, it was just a second...”

Yeah, but which second. Really, any second was pretty incriminating. It hadn’t taken very long before he was pouring his guts out to Ellen. Dean didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what he could say to redeem himself. Thankfully, Jo took any decision out of his hands.

“Dean” she  rose from her chair, taking cautionary steps towards him. She stopped a short distance away. “It’s ok” She motioned as if to touch his arm, but her hand stalled, as if she had thought better of it.

_As if she’s afraid of hurting you._

“No”

Just like that, Dean knew it was over. They knew everything. They knew Dean had been his dad’s favourite punch bag, knew that he was a weak pathetic mess. They knew that he had put up with it for years, God they might even have thought he liked it. The thought filled Dean with a panic and he took several steps backwards, away from Jo. His back  touched a wall and he leant against it. Without really realising it was happening, he found himself crouching there, his head in his hands. _This is exactly what I was afraid would happen._

His breaths were rapid and shallow. He knew he had to calm down, he couldn’t allow the situation to get more out of hand. He had to ask them to leave, maybe they would just leave themselves, surely to God they would get the message and just go, go, go...

_“Dean”_

The rang out so clearly it pushed any other thought from Dean’s mind. For a moment Dean thought he had imagined it, that he had heard it because he wanted to hear it. He felt a strange moment of calm that almost assured him of this, maybe he was going to pass out, but then he felt his arm being gripped from above, he was being pulled to his feet. He opened his eyes not allowing himself to hope but there he was. Castiel was pulling him through the door, Dean didn’t even catch a glimpse of the others that they were leaving behind.

Although he was physically capable of walking, Dean allowed Cas to take most of his weight, as he leant against the angel. Dean wondered just how strong the angel was, maybe he could ask him. Dean wondered why Cas didn’t just zap them to wherever he was taking him, probably afraid of blowing his cover. It wasn’t long before they were outside a door, (it could have been any room, Dean still wasn’t used to the place) and then they were inside.

It was a bedroom, similar to Dean’s but not his, he realised. It was a lot cleaner, immaculate really. Dean figured it must be a spare room, unused. Castiel release his grip on Dean to shut the door behind them. Dean remained where Cas had left him, trying not to let the horror of the last few moments overwhelm him again. What was happening to him? He’d never been this emotional before he came here.

He heard Castiel stop behind him, surprised at seeing Dean stationary in the middle of the room. After a pause he put a hand on Dean’s back, guiding him until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Cas took a seat in a chair across from him. Pulling it so that it was closer to the bed. Then he just sat there, waiting, assessing.

“I...” Dean broke off, almost before he had begun, shaking his head. He was baffled by what had just happened, that is to say his reaction. He couldn’t even begin to think about the other problem that was at hand.

“I’m not usually like this” Dean heard himself say. He had to try justify himself. “I’m usually a fun guy” Cas just looked on, his head tilted to the side. Dean wondered was he trying to see something and glanced behind him. Seeing nothing he turned back to face the angel. “Before any of this happened, I can’t even remember the last time I really cried”

Not exactly true. Dean could remember, it had just been quite a long time ago. The mere memory brought bile to his throat, he had tried so hard to forget that night but there are some things no amount of alcohol can completely numb.

_“Stop crying you dumb fuck. You should be happy. Any other boy your age would be happy”_

Dean squeezed his eyes shut. It had been a long time since he’d thought about that night, he never let himself think about it. This was the only explanation Dean had as to why he found his shoulders heaving, his hands shaking on his thighs.

_“Control yourself, boy”_

His dad’s voice was the final straw. Exhausted from crying earlier Dean was relieved to find that he hadn’t the energy for that anymore. Instead a single tear rolled down his cheek. It was getting difficult to breath however and Dean was about to call out when, opening his eyes he saw that Cas was gone. For a moment all he felt was confusion, why did Castiel leave? Why would he leave him like this? _Why wouldn’t he?_

It felt like Dean had gotten a blow to the stomach and, God knows, he knew what that felt like. He was just as worthless as his dad had always said.

Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Dean froze momentarily, alarmed. Realising that there was only one thing it could be, though, he felt his shoulders slump beneath the touch. Castiel had a hand on his shoulder, the other was on his upper back, rubbing slow circles.

_He’s comforting you._

Dean wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, Castiel perched behind him as he soothed his muscles. Dean hadn’t even been aware of the tightness in his shoulders but now he could feel it. Castiel worked and Dean let himself be calmed, his breathing slowing. Neither of them said anything throughout the exchange, Dean got the feeling that Cas would continue like this indefinitely if he didn’t say something. When the pounding in his head had, like the pain in his shoulders, melted away Dean cleared his throat.

“I think it’s ok now, Cas”

Castiel was standing in front of him the instant Dean felt his hands leave his shoulders. That explained why he hadn’t heard him move before. Dean sighed deeply, he felt a dull burn in his chest as he did so.

“Sorry about all that. You didn’t have to do that for me.”

_Though it worked pretty well, that’s for sure._

“I wanted to help” Castiel was staring again but Dean couldn’t even fell embarrassed anymore. Too much had happened today.

“Were you with the others earlier when, you know...” Dean wasn’t sure what to call it. _When I cried like a fucking baby for everyone to see._

“No” Castiel put a hand to the back of his neck “I wasn’t with them”

He actually looked away then, turning his entire head to gaze at the wall. Dean hadn’t seen Cas look fidgety at all up until that point. Something seemed off.

“So, you just happened to come the room then, before you got me out of there.”

“Yes”

_So, Cas is a terrible liar. Good to know._

“Thanks for that, by the way” Dean was conscious of the fact that they hadn’t even mentioned what had happened. He didn’t what he would have done if Cas hadn’t shown up when he did.

“They, uh” Dean found his own hand on his neck now, mirroring the angel “They know” Cas had turned back to him, all signs of unease vanished, replaced by rapt attention. “It was my own fault” That was true, Dean knew that much. He should never have let his guard down like that. That was something he was glad John had taught them.

“Dean” Cas spoke at last, interrupting the silence Dean had made. “None of this is your fault”

_Fuck,_ the angel knew how to get under his skin.  

“There should never have been anything to find out” Cas continued his eyes boring into Dean’s, who found he couldn’t have looked away even if he wanted to. He definitely didn’t want to. Dean hadn’t really noticed before but now Cas’ eyes were all he could see. He became lost in their blueness, he was drowning in them, unable to pull himself out. “No one thinks less of you Dean.”

“I’m going to stop you right there” Dean pushed his hands along the lengths of his thighs in agitation. “How could they not?” Across from him, Castiel opened his mouth but Dean rushed on  ahead of him. “Now they think that I’m just some pathetic, broken fucker. They’ll never be able to see me as a hunter, when I couldn’t even stop my old man from whaling on me!”

“Is that what you think?”

“What?”

“Do you believe you’re less of a hunter?” Castiel had moved closer to him, he was almost touching Dean’s knees. Dean would have to talk about personal space with this guy, well, then again, maybe he wouldn’t.  “Just because that man took advantage of you”

“Cas you make it sound like he bad-touched me when you say it like that” Dean tried in vain to alleviatethe tension. The look Castiel gave him let him know this was a terrible mistake as he found himself exclaiming “Which he didn’t!”

“Well, that is a relief” the shadow of a smile was on Cas’ face as he took a seat beside Dean. Ok, now their knees were definitely touching...

“Did you just make a joke?” Dean could hear his smile in his words and Cas evidently heard it too. There was no denying curve of his mouth now. “Really inappropriate Castiel, I’m surprised at you.” He nudged Cas with his shoulder, the angel moving with the push before returning it.

“Well if angels can joke I guess they can do about anything”

Cas turned to him and now their faces were so close Dean could feel see that the angel’s lips were slightly chapped. Cas just looked at him, the smile still stretched across his face and for a moment Dean had an insane urge to kiss him, to close the gap between them and feel those lips beneath his. His heart was pounding and Dean wondered if the angel could hear it, if an angel’s powers extended to that sort of thing. The thought made the moment too real and Dean knew that he couldn’t do it, that he _shouldn’t_ do it. Angels probably didn’t feel attraction like humans. Dean was just about to turn away when Castiel surprised him by beating him to the punch.

_There you go, see. Either he didn’t feel anything or he was uncomfortable, you fucking idiot._

Dean stretched his arms in front of him as Castiel cleared his throat. They both stood up, Castiel strolling absently across the room. Dean didn’t know what he should do now, what they should do now.

“I don’t suppose you can wipe everyone’s memories for me, Cas?”

“It would be most difficult, I’m afraid and potentially dangerous also”

“Oh, that’s too bad” Castiel actually appeared distressed “Relax man, I’ll survive”

Would he though? This was pretty bad, as bad went. Dean didn’t even want to face Sam right now and that was the least troubling prospect on the horizon. Maybe he would just never speak to another living soul ever again.

“What do you want to do, Dean” the question broke through Dean’s daydreaming, forcing him back to reality.

“God Cas, I don’t know, man” Dean put his hands on his hips, blowing air through pursed lips “I suppose we can’t just hide out here until this blows over” He was stalling, trying to buy more time. He was barely listening when Cas said “If that is what you want to do?”

Dean did a double take. He couldn’t be serious. Cas didn’t look like he was joking but, Dean hadn’t known that  Cas could tell a joke until a few minutes ago. It took Dean an age to re-gather his thoughts. He might as well try his luck.

“Well I dunno, man. You got a better idea?”

“There is a hunt organised for later. We can stay here until then if you wish?”

The question hung in the air as Dean rooted in his pocket for his cell phone. It was 5 o’clock, apparently. Plenty of time before they’d be heading out. Plenty of time to get to know this angel a little better.

“Sounds good to me, Cas” Dean smirked as Cas took a seat on the chair again.

_This is either the best or worst idea you’ve ever had._

Guess he’d find out which soon enough.


	8. Angel Fruit Pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas makes a bit one hell of a move, when Dean says he'll never go to heaven.

Castiel’s face was furrowed slightly with concentration, though the corners of his mouth were piqued-just a hint of a smile lingering there. Like Dean, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the small bedroom, with several cards held in front of him, like a fan. Peeking up from under his eyelashes Dean watched the angel, who was clearly deep in contemplation. It was almost strange, that an angel would have to consider his next move in a card game as carefully as any other player. It was refreshing, surprising. Dean felt a smile spread over his own face, he was enjoying himself, despite the fact that he had no idea what was going on. The game didn’t make any sense, in Dean’s opinion. Almost as if he had sensed the thought, Cas looked up and met Dean’s eyes. Dean was startled, embarrassed to think that the angel had known he was watching him. He glanced away quickly before bringing his eyes back to the angel’s face. His expression was a question, though it was not the one Dean had feared it would be.

“Are you keeping up, Dean? Cas was grinning now, Dean’s quick scowl answering his question.

“Dude, this game makes no sense!” Dean’s exclamation served only to amuse the angel, who rolled his tongue against the inside of his cheek in response.

_Geez, that shouldn’t be so hot._

“It is rather complicated, to be fair” Cas conceded, shrugging his shoulders.

“And you guys made up this game yourself? Here, at the bunker? Cas had mentioned that this game was, partly, of his own invention, as he had attempted to explain the rules to Dean earlier. Dean had let on that he understood a lot more than he actually did, eager to start the game. It was clear now, that Cas had never been fooled.

“Of  course not” Cas looked genuinely shocked that Dean had suggested this “I used to play this with my brothers, in heaven.”

Dean choked on his own spit. _Holy shit._ He coughed furiously for a few moments, until he felt he could breathe again. He glowered at the angel across from him, who wore a bemused expression on his face.

“You had me playing a game designed for angels and expected me to be able to keep up?”

“Well, I had to modify the game, slightly. We did not, of course, use cards in heaven. Angels don’t play cards, usually” Cas rambled on, his expression wistful.

“Good to know, I’ll remember that the next time I pay a visit”

Instantly, Dean wished he had thought through the comment a little better. Cas glanced sharply at him, before averting his eyes. Staring intently at a point on the floor, he swallowed hard.

“Ah, shit Cas...I didn’t mean to...I shouldn’t have said...” Dean was horrified, the angel looked so hurt. He raked a hand through his hair, but words were escaping him. For once.

“Dude, I was just kidding around” Dean shook his head, but the angel was determinedly not looking at him. “It’s not like I’ll ever be going to heaven anyway”

It was another throwaway remark, Dean wasn’t even fully conscious of having said it. But it was what brought the angel’s eyes back to his face and now they were furious, whereas before the had been sad. Dean gulped, leaning backwards slightly. Cas looked downright scary and Dean found himself fearful that Cas would smite him, right then and there.

“Why would you say that?” Cas snarled the words, he had raised himself so he was sitting on his haunches. The position would have been humourous but for the way Cas was leaning towards Dean with an enormous intensity glinting in his eyes. He waited, seething and Dean realised, to his horror, that Cas was expecting an answer.

“Well, I mean, come on man” Dean ran a hand over the back of his neck absently “The things I’ve done, there’s no forgiving most of it.” Dean had never really thought about it before, he’d always just done what he had to do. Whether that meant killing the man that had a gun to his brother, or letting some guys at a bar have their way with him, so he could pay for Sam’s dinner, well, there wasn’t much that he could’ve done differently. It was his job to look  out for his little brother, there was nothing he’d put ahead of that.

“I’d say I’ve got an express ticket to hell, if anyone has” Dean grimaced, he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t a pleasant thought and it was a trip he hoped to postpone as long as he could.

“No”

The angel’s voice startled Dean, though it was much more subdued than it had been a moment before. Raising his head, Dean took in Castiel. He was looking at Dean, Dean sensed that he had never looked away.

“Dean, you’ve done a lot more good than bad”

“Ha!” Dean actually said the word, trying to emphasis how ridiculous the argument was. He realised this was wasted on the angel, however, who cocked his head to the side, as if expecting to see that Dean was laughing at something else in the room. Rolling his eyes, Dean continued.

“I’ve killed plenty”

“Of monsters”

“Not just monsters, Cas!” Dean’s voice had risen again. He forced himself to lower it.

“I’ve killed people too. Bad people, sure, but people all the same.”

“I am sure that any killing you did was out of absolute necessity, Dean” Cas’ eyes were blue chips of ice and Dean realised that the angel was sure of this fact, not questioning it. It was true, Dean had only ever killed a few people and every time he had it had been a life or death situation. Still, he wasn’t about to let the angel, or himself, off that easily.

“I’ve stolen money. A lot of it too, from loads of people”

“A minor offense, again, given the necessity.”

Fuck, this was exasperating. Cas was trying so hard to make him believe that he didn’t have his place pre-booked in the sauna. Maybe he truly believed himself. But Dean couldn’t, not even for a second, allow himself that hope, that promise. No, it was time to go back to basics. He was going to Sunday school this angel.

“I’ve had plenty of sex, Cas” Dean half expected the angel to blush at this revelation, not that it could be that surprising. But shouldn’t angels, if anyone, be uptight about sex? When Cas failed to respond, Dean sighed, before deadpanning.

“Pre-marital sex, genius. That’s one of the big no no’s, right?”

“Some things have been lost in translation, over the years” Cas seemed almost reluctant to say this, as if he was letting out a trade secret. Dean felt a thrill suddenly, as the absurdity of the situation washed over him. He was talking about sex with an angel, who seemed to be about to tell him that it wasn’t as big a deal as it had always been made out to be.

“What, seriously?” Dean couldn’t hide his incredulity. This would be some good fucking news.

“Yes, that is something that was taken severley out of context, though, as you proved, it doesn’t much matter anymore”

  1. Dean raised his eyebrows at the angel who widened his eyes in response. Dean found himself grinning before snapping himself out of it. Back to business. Time to shock the wings off this holy roller.



“Okay, well  Cas. Sex is one thing, but most religious fanatics seem to think that two guys knockin’ boots is a sin. Are you going to tell me that it’s not either?”

Castiel didn’t say anything. Dean waited a moment before realising that it was probably the wording that had caught the angel off. _Knockin’ boots._

“Sex with dudes, Cas!” Dean threw his arms out from his sides in exasperation “I have had sex with other guys. And I fucking liked it!”

 _Well, geez, you didn’t have to scar the guy_. But Dean was too far gone at this stage, he had just come out, really said the fucking words, and damn it felt pretty good. Dean couldn’t help the smile that cracked his face in half. He had the angel now.

“Well, Cas what’ve you got to say to that?”

The angel was examining him with such a strange expression, Dean couldn’t place it. Disgust, surely. The angel was probably about to fly from the room as fast as his little wings could carry him. He felt himself harden, though the smile was still etched on his face. Castiel paused, with his mouth open, for a moment before he spoke.

“God is indifferent to sexual orientation”

It was confusion. That was the expression on the angel’s face. He hadn’t been expecting this argument. But Dean found himself shaking his head, furious, it took him a moment to remember why.

“No” he scrambled ungainly to his feet and turned away from the angel. Facing the wall of his bedroom, he brought his hands to his hips as he heard the angel getting to his feet behind him.

“Dean”

“No, Cas!” the shout echoed against the stone walls. Dean spun around and took a step towards Castiel.

“No, see, I didn’t have my old man flay the shit out of me for nothing. You’re not telling me that there was nothing to “cure” that there was nothing wrong with me in the first place. Because that’s just too much, Cas, that can’t be right. You’re lying, you’re fucking lying! That’s a sin you know and it’s _disgusting._ ”

He hissed the last word, the way his dad had hissed it the first time. Most other times he had been calmer, it had just been part of a routine _._

“Dean” Cas’ voice was pleading. He reached a hand up towards Dean’s face and suddenly he wasn’t Cas, he was John and he had him tied to a chair as he cupped his face.

“ _It’s disgusting, Dean. You are disgusting. Say it for me again, now, boy.”_

Dean felt his lips moving, he didn’t know if he was speaking to Cas or to his dad as he repeated the phrase back.

“It’s disgusting. I am disgusting.”

Then everything went black.

 

 

 

Dean blinked groggily, the light overhead was very bright. Groaning, he raised himself to a sitting position, rubbing a hand across his eyes. Then he noticed Cas, sitting on the side of the bed, watching him.

Dean started, he couldn’t help it. He put a hand to his chest, breathing heavily. He was in the bunker, in his room, with Cas. Not with John. Not with John. Not...

“So did I pass out, again?” This was getting out of hand.

_Pull your shit together, Winchester._

“No” Cas was looking at his own hands as he spoke, avoiding Dean’s face “You were worked up and becoming violent. I could have handled it otherwise, but I thought it would be best to simply put you to sleep. You seemed to be...” It was unusual for the angel to trail off, usually he was very precise in his sentences. 

“Seemed to be what, Cas?” Dean knew well what, but the question was did the angel?

“You seemed to think you were with someone else, not with me” Cas finally looked at him and Dean couldn’t help but soften. The angel was skirting so tentatively around the subject, he probably knew full well where Dean had thought he was. But he was giving Dean an out.

Well fuck that, he wasn’t taking it.

“Yeah, it was my dad. Obviously” Dean scratched at his chin, just wanting something to do with his hands. “But you already knew that, right?”

The angel nodded “I guessed as much”

“Yeah well, he was bound to come screaming back into my head, after what I told you” Dean laughed ruefully, what the fuck had he been thinking?

“You know, you’re the first person I’ve ever told Cas.”

Castiel actually turned his whole body at Dean’s words, he was now facing the hunter. For a moment he seemed lost for words.

“I...Dean, that’s...what about Sam?” he finished lamely.

“Sam?” Dean couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“What, you don’t suppose Sam would think badly of you, surely? Sam seems much more advanced than that.”

“No, of course not” Dean had never really thought about it, but he didn’t suppose Sam would mind that he was into dudes, too. Telling him had never been an option before now, though.

“I wasn’t about to drag Sam into my mess, Cas” Dean continued, as the angel searched his face “Sure, fuck it, I tried to convince myself that my dad was right, that I was just confused.”

_Confused? That would’ve been kind._

Cas waited for Dean to speak, when he didn’t he broke the silence. “Before I knocked you out, you looked terrified. Dean, did...was this something your father would hit you about?”

“Hit. That’s a gently way of putting it, anyway” Well that was true.

“How would you describe it, Dean?”

Instantly Dean felt a chill, as if an icy hand had closed around his heart. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“Cas...I can’t” Dean shook his head, his eyes pleading. Castiel stared resolutely back.

“Please, Dean. Try for me, please.”

What a weird way to put it. For him. Well damn that angel knew just how to twist him. Dean found himself breathing heavily-he was really going to do this.

“Well, it was a pounding anyway, come on man a hit? I wasn’t some dumb kid who talked back to their mom.”

“Most parents don’t hit their children at all, Dean” Dean looked sharply at the angel, who, to his credit, looked as if he regretted the interruption.

“My apologies. I was just stating a fact”

“Duly noted” Dean’s voice was hard, he could hear it himself. Cas looked so distressed, however, that Dean actually felt guilty himself.

“It’s ok, man. I know. Of course most parents don’t hit their kids.”

They both felt silent but Dean could feel Castiel’s eyes boring into his forehead. With a sigh he resumed.

“That first time” Dean felt a shudder rip through him at the memory. “It was awful”

Dean’s voice was hollow but Castiel was still looking on, with an expression on his face that Dean just couldn’t refuse.

“We were staying for a couple weeks in this pretty nice town. Sammy and I had managed to go to school for about 2 months straight.”

Dean had never set foot in the town since.

“I was 16, I think” Dean closed his eyes “And there was this kid in my class, this dude called Ben”

Dean could still see him, he’d never forgotten his face. He doubted he ever would.

“One day, we were hanging out after school, in his backyard. He had this tree house, we could see half the town from up there, but they couldn’t see us. It was pretty sweet.

“And we’d just been reading this book, in English class, and everyone had been arguing about whether Alec was in love with Jerry or not and I’d never even really allowed myself to think about that kind of thing but then Ben said that kind of thing shouldn’t matter anyway, that it didn’t matter.

“And up in that tree house I just really wanted to see what it felt like, but more than that, I just really wanted to kiss him, not any random guy, him.

“So I did” Dean slumped his shoulders-he hadn’t thought about Ben in a long time.

“And it felt so fucking good Cas” the angel never looked away from him, never flinched as he imagined many others would have “I didn’t know kissing could feel like that, I’d never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I did Benny and it was electric.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had awesome kisses with girls too” Dean felt he should make this point, though he didn’t suppose Cas would care either way. Did angels ever kiss other angels, or humans?

“But that was, yeah it was pretty awesome. And we got together a few more times after that.

“But then one day he came over to the house”

It was a moment before Dean realised he’d balled his hands into fists, the bed sheet scrunched between his fingers. “I don’t even know how he found out where I lived, I’d never brought him home myself. And he didn’t even really do anything before I told him it was a bad time and that he should go, but it was enough. He must’ve stood too close or...I don’t know looked at me a certain way, cause as soon as I shut that door my dad had me up against it.

“I never even told him, not in so many words” Dean’s voice broke as he spoke, he took a shaking breath to steady him “But goddammit he fucking knew. I don’t know how, but he knew. And he started trying to beat it out of me”

At 16, Dean remembered, he hadn’t quite hit his growth spurt. That hadn’t stopped his dad though.

“At first he was so pissed he just flung me around the room. Fucking broke up half the place. I cracked my skull on a cabinet.”

“Did Sam not wonder what was happening” it was the first time Castiel had spoken in  quite a while, his voice was hoarse. Dean let out a sigh of relief.

“No, thank God for that. No, he never found out”

When Dean failed to continue, the angel nodded at him imploringly, but Dean suddenly found it impossible to go on.

“Cas, you don’t need to hear...you don’t want to hear-”

“Yes I do, Dean” the angel’s voice was fierce, probably trying to spur Dean on “I want you to tell me this, I want to help”

“Help?” the angel had meant no harm, but Dean was trying to pick a fight “Help? Well, Cas, tell me: where were the angels with their help when my dad had me strapped to a chair.  Where was God when he told me what a disgusting piece of shit I was and that I was going to hell for liking cock? Where were you when he punched me so hard I started to choke on my own blood! Where were you?”

The angel was silent as Dean shouts broke through the still air. When he was finished Dean stood, shoulders heaving with exertion. Gradually, he came back to himself and a wave of horror washed over him.

“Cas, I didn’t mean to make that personal. I didn’t mean...it’s not your fault any of this happened, or the angel’s or God’s. It was mine, or my dad’s whatever, both of us, I suppose.”

Dean looked at Cas, weighing his silence. The angel looked stricken. Groaning, Dean raised his hands to his heads.

“You’re in the clear, Cas. We’re good. I just got caught up, remembering all that, it was pretty bad, you know, and I’ve never said any of this out loud and...”

“Dean, you don’t need to explain yourself to me”

Dean was surprised by the angel’s response, he frowned slightly.

“Come again?”

“Dean, I am truly sorry, for everything that has happened to you” the angel rubbed a hand over his jaw, his eyes wide and desperate “You experienced awful things, things that no one should experience. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, I wish I could make this better for you, I wish it had never been so.”

“Dude, chill. It’s ok, really” When did this become about comforting the angel again? Still, Dean couldn’t help but be glad that the tension had been somewhat alleviated. Time to wrap this up.

“Anyway, there you have it, Cas. All the gory details of the first time daddy “hit” me for being queer. First, definitely not the last, probably not the worst either. And I never saw Benny again.”

That still stung a little. But he had just been 16, he’d gotten over it pretty quickly.

“So, sorry if I found it a little hard to believe you, earlier, when you said that gay was okay, because, it’s been pretty much beaten into me that it’s not and I’ve grown up hating myself for it, but loving it all the same so, yeah, I’m pretty messed up Cas, in case you didn’t know that before.”

“I was aware, Dean” Castiel wasn’t even trying to be sarcastic, it was so endearing. Dean found himself smirking towards the angel.

“There you go again, Cas, with the dry wit?”

“Dry pie, what do you think? You’re funny, man, you don’t realise it and that’s what makes it funny” the angel looked unsure how to take this, Dean figured he’d better clarify “It’s great, dude, I love it. Could do with a good laugh now and again”

“I’m glad, Dean” the angel looked pleased now and amused, maybe he found Dean as funny as he found Castiel.

“Speaking of love, by the way, I would kill for some food right now, I’m freakin’ starving” Dean couldn’t remember if he’d eaten any bacon earlier, it all seemed so long ago now.

“Oh, about that” Casiel looked almost sheepish, Dean couldn’t imagine what would cause the angel to look like that “While you were, uh, sleeping, I took the liberty of going on a supply run” Castiel got to his feet and pulled a case of beer from under the bed, shortly followed by...

“Pie!” Surprised was an understatement, Dean couldn’t believe this was happening. The angel was even producing a knife to cut it with.

“How did you know?” he had to ask, he didn’t care how embarrassed the angel became.

“Know what?”

“About the pie, you jackass” Dean was on his feat now, having scooted off the end of the bed.

“I love pie! Dude, c’mere” Dean pulled Cas to him in a hug, the angel returning the gesture after a seconds delay.

“How long was I even out, that you had time for a run?” Dean pulled up his sleeve to check his watch but Castiel was quicker.

“You were out only a few minutes, but the trip took just a moment”

Ah, of course. _Freakin’ angel, man._

“You flew? I forgot, sorry, stupid of me” Dean shook his head, taking in the angel before him.  For a moment neither of them said anything and Dean was afraid he had made Castiel uncomfortable, baring his soul like that. Clearing his throat, he stepped around the angel to check out the goods.

“What flavour did you  get? Apple, solid choice” Dean smiled but the angel picked up on what could only have been a barely perceptible clip in his tone.

“Is there another flavour you prefer, Dean?”

“No, dude, this is perfect. I mean, pecan flavour is my favourite but apple is my number 2” Dean stuck up both his thumbs, it was a goofy gesture but the angel seemed disappointed and Dean had to let him know that he was anything but disappointed.

“Seriously dude, I love any kind of pie. As I always say to Sammy-”

“I will be back in an instant, Dean”

Dean barely had time to feel the gust of wind that accompanied the angel’s flight before he was back, a fresh pie in his hands. The smell was mouthwatering, Dean gravitated towards it, with Castiel closing the gap on the other side. The pie was in both their hands when Castiel spoke.

“By the way, I meant what I said Dean” the angel kept his voice level but his eyes were down, not meeting Dean’s, focused, still on his face, but lower.

“Yeah, ‘bout what Cas” Dean was curious,  and the pie was still warm in his hands. He placed it on the bed beside him, before bringing his hands to his hips as he assessed the angel.

“When I said that God was indifferent to sexual orientation”

“Oh” Dean scoffed, the angel’s eyes flashed to his as he did so “Well I’m afraid I’d be needing a bit of proof on that one, Cas”

“I thought you might say that” Castiel dropped his gaze again. Vaguely, Dean was aware that he was looking at his mouth. Dean didn’t have time to think before the angel had pressed his lips to Dean’s. For a moment Dean could do nothing. Then he began to kiss back with fervor, running his hands through the angel’s hair. Castiel’s hands were gripping Dean’s jacket, he pulled him towards him until their chests were flush against each other. Castiel’s tongue was running between Dean’s lips, with a groan Dean opened up to him. He explored the angel’s mouth hungrily, his breaths were coming hard and heavy. The kiss was hot and heavy, Dean felt a curling of heat in his stomach. He groaned into the angel’s mouth as the angel’s tongue fought for dominance. It wasn’t much of a fight. Dean’s hands were exploring the angel’s chest when Castiel abruptly broke the kiss. Dean rested his forehead against the angel’s, breathing heavily, for several moments. Pulling back he opened his eyes, seeking an explanation.

“Proof enough for you?” Castiel’s tone was innocent, as if he hadn’t just shoved his tongue into Dean’s mouth without a second’s warning.

“Uh, yeah Cas” Dean’s tone was questioning but either the angel didn’t pick up on it or chose to ignore it. Smiling, he picked up the knife that lay on the bed beside.

“Pie now?” his eyes were round as he posed the question. It took Dean a moment to assemble adequate brain cells to respond.

“Sure, pie sounds good”

“Good” Castiel started to cut the pie and Dean was left, his blood pounding, to wonder why the hell the angel had decided to kiss him and more importantly, why he had decided to stop.


	9. Please Sir, I Need More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets weird and Dean really likes it.

The car lurched as it sunk into a pothole and Jo cursed. Beside her, Kevin let out a shaky breath, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. He was noticeably pale, despite the falling darkness and a sheen of sweat was visible on his brow. He turned to his right his eyes wide and apologetic.

“Sorry Jo, I haven’t quite got the hang of it yet and...”

“Eyes on the road!” Jo barked, Kevin following the order instantly. Dean could see Kevin in the rear-view mirror, he was panicked, manic and, not for the first time, Dean wished he was the one driving. He hadn’t even thought that it would be an issue but Sam and Bobby had insisted that he wasn’t fit to drive yet. He had tried to explain that, thanks to Cas, he was perfectly fine, that driving would probably be the best thing for him right now. When they started to skirt around the topic of physiologicaldamage Dean had given in, purely because he had wanted the conversation to end. The result was that he now found himself crammed in the backseat of some piece of shit car that Kevin was using while he learned how to drive. The car jerked as Kevin drove too quickly over a bump and Dean felt shoulders jostle him on both sides, Sam to his left and Castiel on his right.

Dean couldn’t remember the last time he’d sat in a car so crowded, let alone when he’d last been stuck in the middle seat of the back bench. It was ridiculous really, Jo and Kevin up front, with more leg room than they had leg, while he, Sam and Cas were stuck in a space that would be uncomfortable for 2 let alone 3. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean glimpsed Sam, his neck bend forward, too tall despite the fact that he was slouching down in the seat as low as the limited space allowed. He had scooched over as much as he could to give Sam space, but unfortunatelythat meant that his knee was jammed against Castiel’s. Remembering the prior events of the evening, Dean felt himself reddening and was suddenly extremely grateful, both for the lack of light and of the fact that Castiel was angled towards the window.

What the hell had the angel been playing at? Dean shook his head dazedly as the memory of the kiss flooded his mind. He could still feel the angel  as he’d kissed him, the lurch of his stomach at the shock of it, then the butterflies that had washed through him with the excitement of the moment. And that was all it was, a moment, but it was one that Dean found himself unable to stop thinking about.

There were plenty of other ways the angel could have made his point. Why had he chosen that one? Maybe the angel had guessed, could sense, that Dean had been attracted to him. The realisation was a punch in the stomach, Dean didn’t know how to respond except to fight back. He focused all his energy and forced himself to think of the task at hand.

The five of them were on their way to, what Bobby suspected was, a vampire nest. Five was a big group for a hunt, but Jo and Kevin were young and it had been a while since he and Sam had had a case. Well, that was Bobby’s excuse anyway and Dean was glad of it. If he was afraid that Dean might lose his cool on his first day back on the job, at least he wasn’t saying it. Besides, they had never gone into a hunt with backup like this- it would be fun being part of a team.

“Make a left here, Kev. No, not here the next one. Indicate! You might as well do it right.”

Dean smiled languidly as he listened to this. It transpired that Jo had been doing the majority of the teaching, which probably explained why Kevin was such a sucky driver. Jo barely had a licence herself,  as they drove she explained that the instructor had overlooked a run red light, after she had asked for his number. Dean could see a lot of himself in Jo, he wondered if he had actually had an effect on her, despite the fact that the last time they’d seen each other they’d just been kids. Dean reaslied, with a sinking feeling, that if he was anything to go by, Jo had probably done a lot more than flirt her way through her driving test.

The car stopped abruptly, breaking him out of his reverie. With a pointed look from Jo, Kevin pulled up the hand break. He smiled, for the first time since he’d started the car, the pride on his face evident.

“I made it, all this way. I didn’t crash, we’re all still alive!”

“Yeah, well, it’s early” Dean said and beside him Cas snorted.

“Gross, Castiel” Jo groaned, twisting in her seat to glare at him.

“Sorry, I’m tired, it was a long day” Castiel replied smiling as he ran a hand through his hair. His eyes flicked momentarily to Dean’s face as he said this, before he yawned, covering his eyes with his hands.

 _Well at least he’s_ _acknowledging_ _that something happend today._ Dean let himself that small satisfaction. It was the first mention Castiel had made of their afternoon escapade. As soon as they’d finished the pie he’d been all business, insisting that they meet up with the others for the hunt. He hadn’t said anything at all as they’d tramped through the bunker and he’d left Dean to explain their absence. Not that he’d needed to explain much, the awkward tension had meant that all he’d had to do was make some joke about it being his time of the month and everyone had been happy to let it go. Everyone (except Kevin) had been laughing and joking on the drive, but Dean couldn’t help but feel slightly uneasy. He didn’t know how much of his past was out in the open and there wasn’t really anything he could do about it. Maybe it was better this way, maybe not, he’d have to wait and see.

“Yeah well, the fun’s only starting sunshine” Jo reminded him with a smirk, reaching out to ruffle the angel’s hair. A moment of crazy jealousy made Dean want to push her hand away, before lust left him simply wanting to have his own hand fisting through the dark hair.

_Oh god, not again._

“Can we please get started all ready” Sam’s voice was a welcome distraction, though it was muffled as he pressed his face against the headrest in front of him. “My entire body is cramping”

“Whenever you’re ready, princess” Jo said airily as she swung open the passenger door, her legs following. Sam exited with a huff, that quickly became a groan as he straightenedhis aching muscles. Dean stalled a second, about to follow Sam, when he felt a hand press against his thigh. Gulping, he whipped around to see Castiel making his own exit.

 _Did he do that on purpose?_ Dean wasn’t sure. The angel didn’t look embarrassed or playful, in fact he wasn’t looking at Dean at all. Which left Dean to conclude that it had merely been an accident. He mentally kicked himself for having looked into it at all. Of course it was an accident. If anyone else had done that, he probably wouldn’t have even noticed. But that was exactly the point, wasn’t it? When it came to Castiel, he couldn’t help but want to notice everything.

“Dude, are you coming or what?” Sam ducked his head into the compartment, his hands on the roof of the car.

“Well you’re certainly eager, aren’t you Sammy?” Dean covered, choosing to exit via Sam’s door. The air was cool, it bit into his skin, waking him up. It was the sort of night that Dean liked for a hunt, it kept him alert. Sighing contentedly, he clapped a hand to Sam’s back.

“This is gonna be awesome, man. Bit of tag-team vampire hunting- I can’t wait!”

Dean could see his own excitement on his brother’s face. He couldn’t quite give a reason for his excitement, but Sam’s? There was an obvious reason for that.

“Is this your first hunt, without Dad’s help?” Dean knew the answer before Sam gave it to him.

“Yeah, it is” Sam ran a hand through his hair, brushing it out of his eyes “I don’t know, man, it’s weird. Him not even here giving advice...” Sam trailed off absently before he caught himself “But it doesn’t matter. It can’t be helped. And it’s gonna be great, anyway, like you said” With a smile, Sam was gone, walking around to the trunk to grab a machete. As he followed, his words echoed in Dean’s head.

_“It can’t be helped”_

Yeah, it couldn’t be helped that they’d had to leave. There’d been no other option since Dean was too much of a pissy baby to stand up to the man.

_That’s not what he fucking meant, you self-absorbed asshat._

Dean found himself gritting his teeth, his fists clenched. He had to get over this, at least for the night.

_The case. FOCUS ON THE CASE._

“So what’s the plan, Jo?” Dean leaned casually against the car, as Kevin passed him a machete. Jo didn’t even lift her head from her blade, which she was sharpening.

“Not me”

“What”

“Not me” she enuciated clearly, as if she actually thought Dean hadn’t heard her the first time “Castiel is in charge of this one, Bobby’s orders”

“Really?” Dean couldn’t mask the surprise in his voice. He regretted his indiscretion almost immediately as Castiel fixed him with a stare that was almost angry and was certainly a challenge, as if he was daring  Dean to say the wrong thing.

_Don’t fuck this up._

“Oh, I didn’t know Bobby assigned leaders to cases, that’s pretty cool, I guess”

“You thought Jo was in charge a minute ago.”

The angel’s voice was curt and crisp, so different from the placating tone he’d used earlier.

_Well, what do you expect? He’s hardly going to baby you here. God knows, he did enough of that earlier._

“No, I just figured Jo might have a plan, she’s good for that sort of thing.”

“Is that so” Dean couldn’t be sure in this light, but he could’ve sworn Castiel was smirking now. Clearly he didn’t buy it.

“Well, I assure you, I’m good for _that sort of thing_ also”

“I’m sure you are”

“Good” Castiel was staring at him, everyone had fallen silent. Dean wanted to look away or to break the silence but he found he could neither. Maybe it was the years of having John be his drill sergeant but now that he knew Castiel was the official leader of this mission, he was desperate to please him, terrified of doing the wrong thing. It was several long moments before Castiel looked away and Dean could breathe again.

“See that bar over there” he pointed over his shoulder. Dean became aware of his surroundings for the first time. Kevin had brought them to some kind of town, though it looked pretty deserted. The bar in question seemed to be only source of life.

“We know that the vampires hang out here some nights. They never all do at the same time, though, so our best bet would be to find one and have them lead us to the nest.

“Course, it’ll be difficult to find the vampire without causing a scene” Cas went on, glancing at the faces around him “So we’ll also have a look around, see if we can suss out where the nest is”

“The nest is hardly in the town, is it?” Sam’s question was valid, Dean had been thinking the same thing himself “Vamps tend to set up camp on the outskirts of a town, less conspicuous”

“Bobby is fairly certain that these vampires are living in the town itself” Castiel explained, nodding at Sam in thanks “Which is unusual and also makes them more of a threat to the people who live here. We’ll split up into two groups to get a look at the town first, before we do anything”

And suddenly Dean felt like he was in 7th grade, waiting to find out who he’d been partnered with for a science project. He’d been hoping for Mindy Thompson, who, besides being the smartest kid in the class, had been pretty and funny in spades. He still remembered how his mouth had gone dry in anticipation, he remembered it especially well because it was happening right now.

“Sam, take Jo and Kevin down the street to the left of the bar, Dean, you and I will go right”

“Yes sir”

Well fucking hell. Dean felt his face heat up as he saw Castiel stiffen before he slowly turned around to look at him. Dean could hear titters of laughter, Jo’s, no doubt.

_That didn’t happen, you couldn’t have said that. You imagined it, there’s no way you called him sir._

“Okay then” Castiel said and his face was impassive as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened “Let’s go then. _Jo”_ he said pointedly, as the hunter looked on the verge of saying something. Jo said nothing, she simply raised her eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders, conceding.

“Come on then, Sam, Kevin” she tossed over her shoulder as she strode away from them “Don’t leave me to do all the work”

“Meet in 10 minutes” Castiel directed at Sam

“Sure thing” Sam replied shooting a grin at Dean, who cringed in response “Let’s go, good sir” he  threw to Kevin, who laughed. Then they were gone, Kevin struggling to keep up with the hunter who, easily, had a foot on him.

_Jesus Christ._

“Come on, then” Dean snapped his head around and saw that Castiel had set off without him. He had to jog to catch up before he fell into stride with him. A silence threatened to lapse between them but Dean was determined not to let Castiel think about what he had just said. He began to speak with an enthusiasm that he knew was both inappropriate, given the task at hand and uncharacteristic. Sam had called him out enough times for Dean to know he was usually fairly stoic.

“So what else did Bobby say!” to his utter horror, Dean found he had exclaimed, the cry punctuating through the night, practically reverberating around them. Castiel turned to him, scandalised.

“Sorry” Dean hissed, screwing up his face in embarrassment and apology. Cas was going to think he was a piss-poor hunter.

“He was fairly sure the nest would be in this direction” Castiel murmured just loudly enough to be coherent. Dean cleared his throat quietly before attempting to mimic the action.

“So that’s why we’re heading this way? Keep the kiddies out of harms way, eh?”

“I thought that would be best, though now I’m wondering if I made a mistake”

Dean opened his mouth to retort but the twinkle in the angel’s eye stopped him. He was fucking teasing him.

“Well, geez Cas, thanks. Maybe I should leave you to handle this by yourself then? How would you like that, buddy?”

“Huh? I was under the impression that you were referring to me as sir?”

 _Son of a bitch._ He’d been doing so well, giving Dean a pass, pretending it hadn’t happened. Now, Dean knew he was flushed, his blood pumping hard. He’d probably bring the vamps right down on them at this rate.

“Jesus, that was an accident. Force of habit, I guess”

“Your father made you call him sir?”

“Damn straight he did” Dean passed a hand over his hair, willing the heat to go out of his face “Not just me, Sam too” he corrected himself.

“Of course” Castiel hummed, the sound low in his throat. It sent a shiver through Dean that had nothing to do with the cold.

“Sorry about that” Dean said awkwardly after a moment as Castiel stopped to check their bearings.

“No need to apologise” off-handedly, glancing around them as he did so “You merely caught me off-guard, I’m not used to people calling me sir around other people.”

_What did he just say!?_

Dean choked and tried hastily to turn the sound into a laugh, with limited success. He settled for muffling the commotion. If they had not been noticeable before they definitely were now. With a sigh Castiel turned and began walking back the way they’d come.

“Better get back to the others” he said, as if he hadn’t just dropped that bombshell. They made their way back to the car in silence, Dean hoping desperately that no one would ever mention Dean calling Cas “sir” again.

“Any luck?” it was Jo who stepped forward out of the shadows to meet them, the other two following suit.

“No” Castiel sounded annoyed now and Dean couldn’t blame him. The vamps hiding in town meant it would be difficult to deal with them quietly. “We’d better check out the bar. Follow us after ten minutes or so, we can’t all go in together, it would be too noticeable for any vampires who are in there.”

Throwing his blade into the trunk, he inclined his head to Dean, who copied him, before they set off towards the bar. It wasn’t far, in a minute or so they were hit by the warmth of bodies and the smell of beer. Taking a seat beside Cas at the bar, Dean was struck by a thought.

“So, if angels were real, do you think they’d be allowed to drink alcohol? Or would that be against the rules of Sunday school?”

“I told you that angels have no need of food or drink, Dean” Castiel reprimanded him. Dean smirked at his tone, he sounded pissed off. _Well good, let someone else be for a change._

“Aww shucks man, I don’t think I’d wanna live without booze. Not worth it you know” Dean started to signal to the bartender, before Castiel knocked his hand down.

“Dean, we’re working”

“It’ll look suspicious if we just sit here, dude!” Dean was right, Castiel realised it too. The angel nodded his head and let Dean on.

“But, as with all food and drink, we can ingest it, if we want to, and it doesn’t harm our vessels” Castiel was eyeing his drink in such a way, Dean almost felt he should offer it to him. Catching himself, the angel shook his head “You drink, I’ll keep a look out.”

“Hang on, just a minute” Dean fumbled in his pocket for a minute, before sweeping the room with his eyes.

“Wait for what, Dean? Are you going to-”

“There” Dean mumbled, more to himself than to Cas, who tried, simultaneously, to remain inconspicuous and to see what Dean was indicating.

“What do you...”

“See, I can multi-task, genius” Dean grinned a wolfishly at Cas, twisting towards him and unfurling his fist in the pocket of his jacket. Dean hoped the blood wouldn’t leave too much of a stain.

“Did you just-”

“Quick and effective, my friend” Dean stood up clapping Cas on the back as he did so. He stooped low to speak in his ear.

“It’s a chick, near the door. I’ll go give her the old razzle dazzle, lead her out towards the alley by the bar. Call the others, you guys can be ready to go when the moment’s right.” “Dean that’s too dangerous are you fucking crazy” Dean started as Castiel turned to him, his face an inch from Dean’s mouth. And he’d hoped that they could be efficiant about this.

“Don’t worry, dude, this is my specialty”

Before the angel could object Dean started for the door, towards the girl he knew to be the vamp. The second he’d cut his palm on that knife he’d caught her staring at him with an intensity that went way beyond normal curiosity. Dean had done this so many times he wasn’t even nervous as he approached the girl. She wasn’t obviously pretty and Dean hoped she wouldn’t suspect him for approaching her. Smiling demurely he stopped in front of her.

“Hi there” he was hoping that he could make this quick, purely through body language. He angled his body towards her and leaned down to speak in her ear. He could feel her eyes on his face as he did so and he tried to keep it blank.

_“You’re a dumb fucking whore, this won’t even be hard for you”_

“You wanna get out of here?” the words came out low and throaty, exactly the way he used to practice. The girl leaned closer to him, dragging a hand through his hair and holding him there.

“Let’s go” she bunched his shirt in her hand before pushing him in general direction of the door. Dean began to walk out, all too aware of the hand pushing into the small of his back, giving the impression that she was guiding him out.

_Well this is gonna be fun, huh._

Dean was suddenly very grateful that he and Cas had disposed of their blades before entering the bar. With the way this girl’s hand was going lower and lower she would have found him out in an instant. They were passing the next building over from the bar when Dean felt a hand pushing him left. He turned into the alley, not that he had much choice. He wondered if he would have found the strength of the girl’s arm suspicious, if he didn’t know where it was coming from. Dean only had a second to take in some of the litter around him before he was shoved mercilessly against the wall.  He could feel the pattern of the brick against his back. Then she was kissing him, it was rough enough to make him nervous and Dean could only hope that Cas and the others were ready to go. A hand was running through his hair, the action was almost gentle before the grip turned painful and she was pulling his head back forcing him onto his knees.

_Come on Cas._

“Come on pretty baby” she purred, running a hand across his jaw line, the hand in his hair pulling him ever closer “It won’t bite”

_No but you might._

Dean peeked up at her through his eyelashes before placing his hand on the girl’s thighs. Her skirt was short and she wasn’t wearing tights. A quick glance told him she wasn’t wearing underwear either. Dean chanced a glance towards the entrance to the street. Nothing. He swallowed hard. It was just one of those nights. Removing one hand, he pushed up the skirt, then he began to tongue her slit, working his way in till he was rolling his tongue over her clit. A moan from the vampire preceded her shoving his head forward, it was all he could do to breathe now.

_Fucking come on._

Deciding that he might as well buy himself as much time as possible, Dean slowed the movement of his tongue and slipped a finger into her. She thrust forward, seeking more and Dean curled the finger towards himself. The girl threw back her neck in a moan, pushing down on his head with both hands.

“Don’t move” the voice was commanding, a growl. Looking up Dean saw that Castiel had a blade to the vampire’s throat. She began to snarl but in another second the angel had emptied the syringe and she was gone. Removing himself from the girl, Dean stood up.

“Dead man’s blood. Nice one” he said it more for the sake of saying something than because he was interested. Of course it was dead man’s blood.

“I could say the same” Castiel’s tone was grim and Dean realised he probably hadn’t expected Dean to be prepared to go quite this far. Pursing his lips Dean shrugged and lifted the body into his arms.

“You got the car ready?”

Cas nodded, and quickly they strode back the way they’d came, where, Dean now saw, the car was stalling. He could see Sam’s face against the window and found himself hoping that Sam hadn’t seen too much. Sure, his brother knew that Dean had used himself as bait before, but he’d never actually seen him in action, it had always been their dad.

“We’ll bring her to a barn outside of town, see if she’ll talk?” it was a question, not a statement. Castiel was looking for his advise or permission, Dean wasn’t sure which. Flattered, regardless, he nodded as the angel opened the car trunk of the car for him, which had been cleared for this purpose.

“Yep, good thinking, Cas” Dean lowered the body into the trunk, figuring that they had at least forty minutes before the vampire came to.

“Yes _sir_ , you mean”

Dean banged his head against the roof of the trunk in his shock. Cursing he straightened up to gape at Castiel, sure he had misheard, but the angel was gone, the door of the car slamming shut behind him.

_You really shouldn’t be hard right now._

Giving himself a moment to calm down, Dean realised that if the girl didn’t talk, this was going to be one really long, hard hunt.


End file.
